This post is a very hesitant one for me.
I know that there are a lot of “Gothard survivors” out there, and I empathize with them deeply.
My father went to his first Gothard seminar as a young man. He said it affected him profoundly, and he took my mother to one when they were still dating. She latched on to it as well, and in our house the 3 volume “Character Sketches” tomes were on hand as a resource....
But we rarely ever used them.
Despite the good things they liked about Gothard, my parents never ended up joining ATI or have gone beyond attending Advanced and Anger Resolution Seminars. However, my father did use “youth conflicts” materials as a basis for a “Principles for Progress in Life” (PPL) seminar he used for a while where we were missionaries. After a while, when he had established a reputation in the community and had a handful of converts, he moved into more of a discipleship program than a salvation one, and PPL digressed to the annals of our history.
However, admiration for Gothard has remained strong, and lately my mother has been using the Character Sketches books more for their Bible stories and picture worth.
I attended Basic when I was 15, after we moved to the States for good. I think I did advanced, but I don't remember when, and I did Anger Resolution just a few years ago. (2007, I think)
I respected Mr Gothard for the scripture in what he taught and because my parents looked up to him as a great Bible Scholar and teacher.
So, when I was out looking for a place to “get away” I was not very surprised when my father pulled up the ponderous list of ATI alumni activities. I had set my heart on attending TeenPact's Endeavor, but due to money constraints, I did not register soon enough, and I would be down about 15 on the waiting list. So, my father encouraged me to look elsewhere.
Journey to the Heart stuck out to me because it was near Chicago (I have always liked that city for some reason), because I could visit friends out in that area while I was out there (another reason for liking the city), and because it promised me a whole new walk with God. I had come through a lot on the plane that separates stagnation and passion, and I could never seem to find balance.
Saved as a young child, living as a Christian meant little to me. As I hit the double digits all I wanted to be was a missionary. As I got to the teen years, life slowly drowned my ambitions, and I settled for a ho-hum life with my own weaknesses to tempt me and my Father's teaching to save me.
From the age of 14-16 I seriously considered leaving God altogether. I refused to read my Bible and drew into myself and closed the door. I changed into the person many people wanted me to be. Silent, mature, and intelligent when I needed to speak.
As I got older, I knew that my only hope to go on living would be in faith, but I felt so wicked and so far from God that I did not how to proceed. I could not go tell my parents any of this, because I didn't want them to know, and the sins in their lives seemed to have them at the same point as I was.
So, I went to Journey seeking. I found there a lot of healing, but less answers than I had wanted, and some answers I DIDN't want. I found out what a real RELATIONSHIP with God was, and what love was (more on that later).
I credit Journey with all that I am now, because without it I would be stuck where I was before, getting more and more frustrated and maybe even so angry that I would give up everything I have learned over the past 4 years.
If any of you want to write me for some more personal thoughts on this, or anything else, I made a gmail address to go along with the blog: Defraudeddaughter@gmail.com
A link to my testimony on Living The Journey
2 comments:
You're right, life is all about that relationship with Christ. "That I may *know him*, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings" (Philippians 3:10).
don't be hesitant to post this. if it's part of your story, if it is something that helped you, then you may talk about it and share it. and if people are truly supportive and loving you, they will accept that and deal with it, regardless of how it affects them.
think about it this way, many people could come to a seminar of Daddy's, or the NTS series, or learn Greek under him and learn a TON! he's a great bible teacher and has solid studies that he's developed. and that short amount of time spent there will be alright. were they to live with or under him for any longer period of time, or have to submit their whole lives to all of his teaching, they'd be as seriously screwed up as we are. :D same thing with Gothard. we didn't go through his program at all, we have picked pieces here and there and been to a few things. so we are able to have learned and benefited from the good that he does have. were we to have lived under his program and rules our whole life, you may not have gained as much from Journey as you did. savvy? ;)
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