I can't seem to take my eyes off them.
These ladies come into the store about twice a week and usually on Tuesdays. I watch them as they walk around, as they put things into their cart, and as they go through checkout. It isn't just an intense fascination, it is sheer familiarity.
I can feel my skirt, like phantom pains for a lost limb, swishing around my ankles. I can feel my hair reaching all the way to my hips. I can see me staring at myself like I was a freak show, like other people used to stare at me.
I was working with a new department; training to open in the mornings, and the guy who was training me noticed how I looked. I "apologized" saying something to the effect of "I used to look like that."
His face changed drastically. First he was surprised, then incredulous, then he looked me over and his face said he didn't believe me.
I had to laugh. Yes, I am a far cry from that; now. But I am telling the truth.
He asked me: "What faith is that?"
I hesitated and he waited.
"I would not call it a faith, more like organized religion..." I fumbled trying to express something cognizant in a nutshell of a moment.
"It is an extreme, conservative branch of evangelical fundamentalism."
He nodded.
I asked if he had heard of "patriarchy" or "quiverful."
He nodded with a pretty sure face. Then he said: "They are good people."
I looked at him and wondered, and asked how he meant.
He said: "Well, the are always nice and their kids are well behaved and respectful...."
He turned and saw my face and that I was about to correct him and he said: "Well, at least in public."
I coughed a little and said something about being forced to with shame and discipline, and he though about that for a while.
By then they were gone from the store, and we didn't talk about it anymore.
November 30, 2010
Holiday Thoughts
Thanksgiving is to grocery stores what Black Friday is to "stuff" stores.
We were all working mega hours, breaking for a breath and to rest our feet and then back at it again.
Then, suddenly, it was over.
Holidays were never big in our family. We bucked tradition at all points possible, but we usually celebrated thanksgiving by having people over and doing some Bible Study/Fellowship.
Grandparents, friends, any available people.
For thanksgiving I didn't have to cook at all. In fact, I barely did anything. We hung out, watched movies, and ate until the food was gone.
The day after thanksgiving Mrs. G and family got out all the Christmas decorations. I must say that it was fun putting on decorations after not doing it so long. I also got to put lights up outside which I have never done.
At work I am training for a new, different part of the store. Saturday I have to do it all by myself.
Then, my manager said he will have me train to learn book keeping.
God has been so amazing through my journey to where I am now. I was just trying to explain today to my "trainer" why I was 20 and not in college and excited for my first job. The look on his face was priceless when I answered some of his questions. I guess I should get used to it. When people hear weird stories they get that look on their face. I am learning what "normal" is and what it is not.
Anyway, back to God. I would not be here if not for the work He has been doing. I have not actually read a Bible in a couple months. Not that I have not had scripture around me, because I do attend church and I have biblegateway.com that gets me the exact verse I was thinking of.
It has been so liberating to get to know Him without the trappings and chains of organized study. Or scheduled prayer, or Bible readings, or anything.
At my lunch breaks, I sometimes lean my head on my knees and breathe. I whisper something like: "I am so glad You are here with me, and that You love me, and that You are making my path unfold before me..."
I really have no idea where life will take me next. I am not really brave enough to think about facing it on my own, but that is why He is with me. If I have learned anything, I have learned that He loves me, and that He is with me. And that makes it all worthwhile.
We were all working mega hours, breaking for a breath and to rest our feet and then back at it again.
Then, suddenly, it was over.
Holidays were never big in our family. We bucked tradition at all points possible, but we usually celebrated thanksgiving by having people over and doing some Bible Study/Fellowship.
Grandparents, friends, any available people.
For thanksgiving I didn't have to cook at all. In fact, I barely did anything. We hung out, watched movies, and ate until the food was gone.
The day after thanksgiving Mrs. G and family got out all the Christmas decorations. I must say that it was fun putting on decorations after not doing it so long. I also got to put lights up outside which I have never done.
At work I am training for a new, different part of the store. Saturday I have to do it all by myself.
Then, my manager said he will have me train to learn book keeping.
God has been so amazing through my journey to where I am now. I was just trying to explain today to my "trainer" why I was 20 and not in college and excited for my first job. The look on his face was priceless when I answered some of his questions. I guess I should get used to it. When people hear weird stories they get that look on their face. I am learning what "normal" is and what it is not.
Anyway, back to God. I would not be here if not for the work He has been doing. I have not actually read a Bible in a couple months. Not that I have not had scripture around me, because I do attend church and I have biblegateway.com that gets me the exact verse I was thinking of.
It has been so liberating to get to know Him without the trappings and chains of organized study. Or scheduled prayer, or Bible readings, or anything.
At my lunch breaks, I sometimes lean my head on my knees and breathe. I whisper something like: "I am so glad You are here with me, and that You love me, and that You are making my path unfold before me..."
I really have no idea where life will take me next. I am not really brave enough to think about facing it on my own, but that is why He is with me. If I have learned anything, I have learned that He loves me, and that He is with me. And that makes it all worthwhile.
November 19, 2010
My response to "Steadfast Daughters" (2)
This verse came to me as I was writing these ladies and email:
(their blog is still closed to any comments)
Also He spoke this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others:
Does that sound familiar? I think Stacy, Christy, and their crew would say they are righteous. That they are sure they are doing the best thing; standing in self-elected judgement over a sister in Christ.
“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.
One the epitome of evil, and one pure "godliness"
The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector.
And on their comments-closed blog they say amongst themselves: "God, we thank You that we have the opportunity to share the truth with these sinful girls who have been lead astray by deception, antinomianism, selfishness, self-pity, and such. Thank You that we are not like them.
I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’
We submit to our husbands, and have houses full of ship-shape children who have not (and will not.... had better not!!) rebelled against us. We glorify Your name in all our writings and speeches and use the money we make from it for godly purposes.
And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’
And Hillary, and the girls (like me) who have been through enough to turn our hair grey lay on the floor, weeping, saying: "God, Your grace and love for me are amazing. I don't know why You care, or what I have done to deserve it. I am so weak and emotionally spent right now that I can't get off the floor. But I know You are there, and You are my only answer, and the sole reason for Hope in this wretched life."
And then we fall into an exhausted sleep, to wake up the next morning and face the world again, full of hard work, pain, and abusers: like our parents, and Stacy McDonald and all her clan.
(their blog is still closed to any comments)
Also He spoke this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others:
Does that sound familiar? I think Stacy, Christy, and their crew would say they are righteous. That they are sure they are doing the best thing; standing in self-elected judgement over a sister in Christ.
“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.
One the epitome of evil, and one pure "godliness"
The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector.
And on their comments-closed blog they say amongst themselves: "God, we thank You that we have the opportunity to share the truth with these sinful girls who have been lead astray by deception, antinomianism, selfishness, self-pity, and such. Thank You that we are not like them.
I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’
We submit to our husbands, and have houses full of ship-shape children who have not (and will not.... had better not!!) rebelled against us. We glorify Your name in all our writings and speeches and use the money we make from it for godly purposes.
And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’
And Hillary, and the girls (like me) who have been through enough to turn our hair grey lay on the floor, weeping, saying: "God, Your grace and love for me are amazing. I don't know why You care, or what I have done to deserve it. I am so weak and emotionally spent right now that I can't get off the floor. But I know You are there, and You are my only answer, and the sole reason for Hope in this wretched life."
And then we fall into an exhausted sleep, to wake up the next morning and face the world again, full of hard work, pain, and abusers: like our parents, and Stacy McDonald and all her clan.
November 17, 2010
Hindered
How many fathers/patriarchs/leaders are there out there who pray?
I guess that is a slightly rhetorical question. All of them pray! Religion is the framework for their lifestyle and they are "The Head." They stand before God responsible for the lives, sins, and intercession for their families.
Have you ever wondered, though, if God hears them?
Seriously.
Maybe their prayers bounce off the ceiling and come back echoing on their deaf ears and pompous hearts. Maybe God sighs, and shakes His head, and wishes He could do something, but refuses to go against the rules He set in place. He cannot come down blazing and shining and smack sense into them, can He? He has other people, outside influences, words from people, speeches on the radio.... anything to reach the cold hearts of those who control and abuse and manipulate and indoctrinate as they see fit.
Why am I saying all this?
I remember once, taking notes on an interesting Bible passage:
Husbands, likewise... giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel... that your prayers may not be hindered.
Basically, when a man does not honor his ezer; when he lords his authority over her; when he does not dwell in love; when he does not take time and effort to understand her-- his prayers are hindered.
All his words, supplications, desires, and showy phrases merely hit the ceiling and bounce back.
I wonder if this applies to children as well.
Why does scripture not have any specific father-child or mother-child commands like it does for husband-wife or wife-husband.
When a father does not listen to, dwell with in understanding, and care for his children as weaker vessels, as precious souls to be guarded and shepherded-- are his prayers also hindered?
Or when parents of adult children stifle their gifts, impose their worldview, standards, and restrictions on them, and punish their mind and soul when they disobey? Does that count?
I mean why not! It is the job of the parent to give their children the necessary skills to live an abundant life for God's glory?
Tell me what you think.
I guess that is a slightly rhetorical question. All of them pray! Religion is the framework for their lifestyle and they are "The Head." They stand before God responsible for the lives, sins, and intercession for their families.
Have you ever wondered, though, if God hears them?
Seriously.
Maybe their prayers bounce off the ceiling and come back echoing on their deaf ears and pompous hearts. Maybe God sighs, and shakes His head, and wishes He could do something, but refuses to go against the rules He set in place. He cannot come down blazing and shining and smack sense into them, can He? He has other people, outside influences, words from people, speeches on the radio.... anything to reach the cold hearts of those who control and abuse and manipulate and indoctrinate as they see fit.
Why am I saying all this?
I remember once, taking notes on an interesting Bible passage:
Husbands, likewise... giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel... that your prayers may not be hindered.
Basically, when a man does not honor his ezer; when he lords his authority over her; when he does not dwell in love; when he does not take time and effort to understand her-- his prayers are hindered.
All his words, supplications, desires, and showy phrases merely hit the ceiling and bounce back.
I wonder if this applies to children as well.
Why does scripture not have any specific father-child or mother-child commands like it does for husband-wife or wife-husband.
When a father does not listen to, dwell with in understanding, and care for his children as weaker vessels, as precious souls to be guarded and shepherded-- are his prayers also hindered?
Or when parents of adult children stifle their gifts, impose their worldview, standards, and restrictions on them, and punish their mind and soul when they disobey? Does that count?
I mean why not! It is the job of the parent to give their children the necessary skills to live an abundant life for God's glory?
Tell me what you think.
November 15, 2010
Cashier Conversation 1.4
Concerning Donations:
So you would not believe the excuses people give to not give $1 to a donation program for thanksgiving turkeys.
"I already give through work..."
"Where the money goes is not clear..." (I then explained it to her, but she still refused to give)
"I don't know where I'm giving yet this year, but.... I'll think about it!"
"I already donate through my church..."
"I gave a dollar last week!"
"I have to go..." (while still sitting there swiping their card)
"I'll do it next time"
And of course, my favorite: "I'll have to ask my husband!"
So you would not believe the excuses people give to not give $1 to a donation program for thanksgiving turkeys.
"I already give through work..."
"Where the money goes is not clear..." (I then explained it to her, but she still refused to give)
"I don't know where I'm giving yet this year, but.... I'll think about it!"
"I already donate through my church..."
"I gave a dollar last week!"
"I have to go..." (while still sitting there swiping their card)
"I'll do it next time"
And of course, my favorite: "I'll have to ask my husband!"
November 5, 2010
My response to "Steadfast Daughters"
When I said something online about my reaction to Stacy McDonald's new endeavor to attack Hillary McFarland's book, one of my friends reacted strongly and said: (in part)
I responded:
I am not too holy to admit that I want people to hurt and suffer!
It may be a wrong wish, but I know that even God hates it when children are taken and enslaved and traded like chattel.
I can wish that every single modern-day slave owner got an instantly fatal heart-attack. It may not exactly be fair and pretty to think about, but it is without question a logical emotional response on the part of a human who loves justice and wishes for all things in the world to be fair and good.
I am angered by what she says, and how she carried out what she did, and the general slimy nature of her and her kind. I am angry because almost literally I can hear my father using the same language, and way of speaking, and better-than-thou-Christianisms, and I know what bondage her words will be to young women (specifically those who read her stuff). I am angry that she would underhandedly pit one sister against another and then PUBLISH such material. I am angry that she then calls herself a chrisitan and claims to be the "biblical" way. I think she should be ashamed, and I am aghast by her fierce agenda to bring down such a grace-filled and healing book like Hillary's. I am angry because she is upholding abusers. I am angry because her response to me was to tell me that I was wrong and lying and that everything I know is actually just a simple sin problem. I am angry because she claims that God's way is this way and I know that it is actually a way that leads to death. (my sister and I both fought with suicide) It is pretentious at best and downright evil and nasty at worse. And that makes me very angry.
I am angry at myself for reading her books. I am angry at myself for following her writings and that of similar ladies like Jennie Chancey and others. I am angry that they still have the power to use words to bring me in. I am angry that I almost want to agree with her. I am angry that I am not free from the effects of brainwashing yet. I am angry that I can't understand a God of love and grace and unending forgiveness because of the way I was taught. I am angry that I live by works because of the model I was presented. I am angry that I wasted years and years in all this. I am angry that just when I finally found someone who loves and cares deeply for me and for girls like me, who has gone through so many of the same things, who wrote a book that inspired me to live and keep living, that a woman like Stacy would find it her calling to smear it in all manner of ways. That she would make a WHOLE WEBSITE dedicated to shooting it down.
I am angry, hurt, upset, and a general basket case right now.
Then, after I sent her that response, I though of a deeper reason.
Just the other night I watched a video by a Christian band that broke my heart. God whispered to me that He loved me. I fought. I cried. I was shaking all over and I told Him that if He knew what was good for Him he would leave me alone and go find better people to give grace and help to. I curled up in fetal position in a corner and sobbed. But when I looked around He was still there. He sat beside me, and when I pushed Him away He held on to me.And then He held me while I cried. He didn't say anything else, just stayed there and refused to leave.
I have "known" all my life that I was not a good person. That I am a broken, wreak of a could-have-been that is not worth saving. I don't think anyone necessarily told me that, but it was one of the most important life lessons I learned nonetheless. Instinctively, I push people away when they get too close. And it is for their own good. In the back of my mind there is a knowledge that I will abandon everyone. That no matter what words are coming out of their mouths, no matter what they have done for me in the past, no matter how strongly secure I might feel in that moment, that it will come. That I will do something so terrible and so hurtful that no one will ever want me ever again. So why let anyone near now? I will only break their hearts later. I will be a disappointment, disgrace, and shame.
So leave me alone.
Be better off and happy without me.
Please!
Things like that music video are like hammers, beating on the sides the iron box around my heart. Or things like Hillary's book are a welding torch slowly tearing apart the seams of my prison.
For Stacy McDonald to dedicate a whole blog to keeping this away makes me very angry. Yes.
Like refusing to stop the bleeding of a dangerous wound. Like blocking up the exits to a burning building. Like adding insult to injury.
...as believers, however, God has called us to a higher plane. We are to take every thought captive. We are to do good to all men, especially those of the household of faith. Whether you agree with the author or not, you are to do good to her.
I guess my question to you is what is the root cause of your anger? Anger merely shows us that something is wrong, out of balance. When we respond to the emotion of anger in a Christ-like manner it allows us to grow in Christ.
I responded:
I am not too holy to admit that I want people to hurt and suffer!
It may be a wrong wish, but I know that even God hates it when children are taken and enslaved and traded like chattel.
I can wish that every single modern-day slave owner got an instantly fatal heart-attack. It may not exactly be fair and pretty to think about, but it is without question a logical emotional response on the part of a human who loves justice and wishes for all things in the world to be fair and good.
I am angered by what she says, and how she carried out what she did, and the general slimy nature of her and her kind. I am angry because almost literally I can hear my father using the same language, and way of speaking, and better-than-thou-Christianisms, and I know what bondage her words will be to young women (specifically those who read her stuff). I am angry that she would underhandedly pit one sister against another and then PUBLISH such material. I am angry that she then calls herself a chrisitan and claims to be the "biblical" way. I think she should be ashamed, and I am aghast by her fierce agenda to bring down such a grace-filled and healing book like Hillary's. I am angry because she is upholding abusers. I am angry because her response to me was to tell me that I was wrong and lying and that everything I know is actually just a simple sin problem. I am angry because she claims that God's way is this way and I know that it is actually a way that leads to death. (my sister and I both fought with suicide) It is pretentious at best and downright evil and nasty at worse. And that makes me very angry.
I am angry at myself for reading her books. I am angry at myself for following her writings and that of similar ladies like Jennie Chancey and others. I am angry that they still have the power to use words to bring me in. I am angry that I almost want to agree with her. I am angry that I am not free from the effects of brainwashing yet. I am angry that I can't understand a God of love and grace and unending forgiveness because of the way I was taught. I am angry that I live by works because of the model I was presented. I am angry that I wasted years and years in all this. I am angry that just when I finally found someone who loves and cares deeply for me and for girls like me, who has gone through so many of the same things, who wrote a book that inspired me to live and keep living, that a woman like Stacy would find it her calling to smear it in all manner of ways. That she would make a WHOLE WEBSITE dedicated to shooting it down.
I am angry, hurt, upset, and a general basket case right now.
Then, after I sent her that response, I though of a deeper reason.
Just the other night I watched a video by a Christian band that broke my heart. God whispered to me that He loved me. I fought. I cried. I was shaking all over and I told Him that if He knew what was good for Him he would leave me alone and go find better people to give grace and help to. I curled up in fetal position in a corner and sobbed. But when I looked around He was still there. He sat beside me, and when I pushed Him away He held on to me.And then He held me while I cried. He didn't say anything else, just stayed there and refused to leave.
I have "known" all my life that I was not a good person. That I am a broken, wreak of a could-have-been that is not worth saving. I don't think anyone necessarily told me that, but it was one of the most important life lessons I learned nonetheless. Instinctively, I push people away when they get too close. And it is for their own good. In the back of my mind there is a knowledge that I will abandon everyone. That no matter what words are coming out of their mouths, no matter what they have done for me in the past, no matter how strongly secure I might feel in that moment, that it will come. That I will do something so terrible and so hurtful that no one will ever want me ever again. So why let anyone near now? I will only break their hearts later. I will be a disappointment, disgrace, and shame.
So leave me alone.
Be better off and happy without me.
Please!
Things like that music video are like hammers, beating on the sides the iron box around my heart. Or things like Hillary's book are a welding torch slowly tearing apart the seams of my prison.
For Stacy McDonald to dedicate a whole blog to keeping this away makes me very angry. Yes.
Like refusing to stop the bleeding of a dangerous wound. Like blocking up the exits to a burning building. Like adding insult to injury.
November 4, 2010
Cashier Conversation 1.3
~I figured it was high time for another one of these!!
Customer: "I get a case discount on these...."
I ring up 12 of them for a case and he gets a discount on them. The other 9 I charge normal for. He gets upset, so we call over a bookkeeper. She can't give him a case discount on 9, so we call over the manager, who (to my surprise) asks the man, (semi-politely, with an edge in his voice) to put in an order for a case if he wants a full case discount. The man argues and almost shouts, but the manager keeps his voice even and after a bit punches a couple buttons on the screen. The customer asks for the home office number to complain about the manager and the store and the manager writes it all down coolly on a scrap of receipt and hands it to him. The customer huffs, pays for his order and leaves.
My fellow-cashier girl who was also bagging for me at the time told me that this guy pulls this stunt every week or so. He apparently came to my line because I had not had him before. He bullies the other girls and most of the time gets what he wants (10% off on a case/non-case) but not this time!
(yay, I'm the new meat!)
*I just finished checking one girl out. With her was another girl and guy. They might have been family of friends, either way.
The guy leans over the counter and looks me in the eyes "I know I don't know you or anything," he begins. (Me: Ummmm..... *has no idea what to expect from that)
He continues: "But I didn't used to have peace or joy in my life until I read the Bible and....."
(Me thinking: *rotfl!!!!!! I am being "witnessed to"!!!!)
I laughed out loud, and that cut him off. I asked if I looked sad or lost or something. He looked confused and the girls said no, I didn't. I told him that it was nice that he was trying, and that it was a brave thing to try. I didn't tell him that it was a pretty bad try, but with practice he should get better.
They asked me if I thought I was going to heaven. I laughed again, and said that I was pretty sure I was, but that if they asked my father he would say no. They were confused (of course) so I just told them that I left an extremely religious cult, and all that, and they encouraged me to read the Bible and get to know God for myself.
The store closes at 9 pm. At approximately 8:58pm about 5-10 people come into the store. I was absolutely shocked, as common decency and respect for rules have been well-ingrained in me. I asked the bookkeeper if we could shut the doors, and she said that it was the MOD's job. Then, when he came to the front to lock down, he let in a couple more people (after 9 by this time).
Surprisingly, they all got out of the store by 9:30, but we were just (*slightly) annoyed.
Older (greying) black guy checking out... there is a bag with a couple of something in it. I pick it up and ask (to be sure) "Are these dates?"
"Yeah," he says. "Do you want one?"
Me: *laugh politely, because I assume it was a joke.
Him: "Actually, I was just joking. I wouldn't date you because I only date 'church girls.' I am waiting for the girl God brings into my life, so I go to church all the time."
Me: o.0 (*thinks: WHAT?!? I'm not a church girl? I have gone 'to church' more this past three months than my whole life combined!!!)
For Halloween I dressed up in one of the long black skirts I owned and went as a gypsy. I bought some large, obnoxious, and shiny gold jewelry for it and wore a bandanna and bright red lipstick. It was so much fun!!!!! I love dressing up, like when I was in plays or theater, so it was a lot like that, but I took care of details, and everyone said it was a great costume. I made people smile all evening and returning customers remember me for it. It was great fun and I will definitely be plying my creativity next year to do it again!
That night, as I was taking bagging up some stuff, this little girl looked up at me and said: "Ooooh, you are so preeetty!!!" I smiled kindly at her, and asked what she was going to be for the evening (yes, I can't believe I actually SAID that! :P). She said she was going to be a princess. Her little brother (not more than 7 years old) said that he was going to be "A....a... knight!" (He fumbled trying to remember the right words) "A knight in shining armour!"
I laughed: "Would you be MY knight?" I asked him
He looked at me very solemnly and considered it for a moment.
"No thanks," he said, and walked away. Oh, how everyone laughed.
This place seems to be a good one to "get away" in. One lady who was recently hired as a cashier came here from farther north. She is getting divorced from her husband and is trying to "start a whole new life" down here with her sister and bunch of friends. She varies in how she tells the story, sometimes saying she just "came here to get away" and sometimes talking about her husband. I once teased her about something and said "Ohh... I am going to have to smack you for that one!" and she said "Huh.... I haven't been hit in a couple months..." or something like that. Please pray for her. She is on my heart. Her sister came to the store one evening and seemed to be bright, cheerful, and full of life, so I know that she is in a safe place.
Also, one of the bookkeepers talked to me about her new life here. She had a great career with a big company and a nice life in another country, but when her marriage fell apart, she left everything and now she and her child are living here. She does not like working in "the frikin' grocery business" but she is in a relationship with another guy who she says is great. He is a divorcee as well and has a child. I try to remember to pray that her life will turn a corner.
M. (my bestie) is working two jobs and gets about 4 hours of sleep every 36 hours or so. Her mother has cancer and the rest of the family is doing very little. I don't know what happened to her marriage, but she has two teens who make her life.... "interesting." Even so she is perky when at work, very kind to me (she trained me my first day), and one of the best workers there. She talked to me yesterday about what I was going to do with my life and encouraged me to not let my 20s lay fallow. I mentioned that I liked this place and she encouraged me to take management classes or something and move up. Then, she told the CSM that I was going to be a bookkeeper.
She makes my day, every day she is there.
Customer: "I get a case discount on these...."
I ring up 12 of them for a case and he gets a discount on them. The other 9 I charge normal for. He gets upset, so we call over a bookkeeper. She can't give him a case discount on 9, so we call over the manager, who (to my surprise) asks the man, (semi-politely, with an edge in his voice) to put in an order for a case if he wants a full case discount. The man argues and almost shouts, but the manager keeps his voice even and after a bit punches a couple buttons on the screen. The customer asks for the home office number to complain about the manager and the store and the manager writes it all down coolly on a scrap of receipt and hands it to him. The customer huffs, pays for his order and leaves.
My fellow-cashier girl who was also bagging for me at the time told me that this guy pulls this stunt every week or so. He apparently came to my line because I had not had him before. He bullies the other girls and most of the time gets what he wants (10% off on a case/non-case) but not this time!
(yay, I'm the new meat!)
*I just finished checking one girl out. With her was another girl and guy. They might have been family of friends, either way.
The guy leans over the counter and looks me in the eyes "I know I don't know you or anything," he begins. (Me: Ummmm..... *has no idea what to expect from that)
He continues: "But I didn't used to have peace or joy in my life until I read the Bible and....."
(Me thinking: *rotfl!!!!!! I am being "witnessed to"!!!!)
I laughed out loud, and that cut him off. I asked if I looked sad or lost or something. He looked confused and the girls said no, I didn't. I told him that it was nice that he was trying, and that it was a brave thing to try. I didn't tell him that it was a pretty bad try, but with practice he should get better.
They asked me if I thought I was going to heaven. I laughed again, and said that I was pretty sure I was, but that if they asked my father he would say no. They were confused (of course) so I just told them that I left an extremely religious cult, and all that, and they encouraged me to read the Bible and get to know God for myself.
The store closes at 9 pm. At approximately 8:58pm about 5-10 people come into the store. I was absolutely shocked, as common decency and respect for rules have been well-ingrained in me. I asked the bookkeeper if we could shut the doors, and she said that it was the MOD's job. Then, when he came to the front to lock down, he let in a couple more people (after 9 by this time).
Surprisingly, they all got out of the store by 9:30, but we were just (*slightly) annoyed.
Older (greying) black guy checking out... there is a bag with a couple of something in it. I pick it up and ask (to be sure) "Are these dates?"
"Yeah," he says. "Do you want one?"
Me: *laugh politely, because I assume it was a joke.
Him: "Actually, I was just joking. I wouldn't date you because I only date 'church girls.' I am waiting for the girl God brings into my life, so I go to church all the time."
Me: o.0 (*thinks: WHAT?!? I'm not a church girl? I have gone 'to church' more this past three months than my whole life combined!!!)
For Halloween I dressed up in one of the long black skirts I owned and went as a gypsy. I bought some large, obnoxious, and shiny gold jewelry for it and wore a bandanna and bright red lipstick. It was so much fun!!!!! I love dressing up, like when I was in plays or theater, so it was a lot like that, but I took care of details, and everyone said it was a great costume. I made people smile all evening and returning customers remember me for it. It was great fun and I will definitely be plying my creativity next year to do it again!
That night, as I was taking bagging up some stuff, this little girl looked up at me and said: "Ooooh, you are so preeetty!!!" I smiled kindly at her, and asked what she was going to be for the evening (yes, I can't believe I actually SAID that! :P). She said she was going to be a princess. Her little brother (not more than 7 years old) said that he was going to be "A....a... knight!" (He fumbled trying to remember the right words) "A knight in shining armour!"
I laughed: "Would you be MY knight?" I asked him
He looked at me very solemnly and considered it for a moment.
"No thanks," he said, and walked away. Oh, how everyone laughed.
This place seems to be a good one to "get away" in. One lady who was recently hired as a cashier came here from farther north. She is getting divorced from her husband and is trying to "start a whole new life" down here with her sister and bunch of friends. She varies in how she tells the story, sometimes saying she just "came here to get away" and sometimes talking about her husband. I once teased her about something and said "Ohh... I am going to have to smack you for that one!" and she said "Huh.... I haven't been hit in a couple months..." or something like that. Please pray for her. She is on my heart. Her sister came to the store one evening and seemed to be bright, cheerful, and full of life, so I know that she is in a safe place.
Also, one of the bookkeepers talked to me about her new life here. She had a great career with a big company and a nice life in another country, but when her marriage fell apart, she left everything and now she and her child are living here. She does not like working in "the frikin' grocery business" but she is in a relationship with another guy who she says is great. He is a divorcee as well and has a child. I try to remember to pray that her life will turn a corner.
M. (my bestie) is working two jobs and gets about 4 hours of sleep every 36 hours or so. Her mother has cancer and the rest of the family is doing very little. I don't know what happened to her marriage, but she has two teens who make her life.... "interesting." Even so she is perky when at work, very kind to me (she trained me my first day), and one of the best workers there. She talked to me yesterday about what I was going to do with my life and encouraged me to not let my 20s lay fallow. I mentioned that I liked this place and she encouraged me to take management classes or something and move up. Then, she told the CSM that I was going to be a bookkeeper.
She makes my day, every day she is there.
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