Bit More Backstory:

My essay has almost 6,000 votes and I am awed and flabbergasted.
 I never expected that many people to know, or care, or want to help a stranger.

My past is a hard onion to unpeel. 
I was never outright denied and education, and I was never told I could never attend college.
But imagine being told day after day about how terrible public school is, and horror stories from your mother about her drunk and horny history teacher?  How would you feel about going to school then?
Or imagine reading multiple 'horror stories' about godly young people who were pulled astray while at secular and even some more liberal Christian Colleges?  (and my parents would also call that an oxymoron)

Imagine Mother Gothel's overly syrupy tone 'encouraging you' to always take a separate path from the world?  Telling you that you dont need a "scrap of paper" to tell people you are intelligent, well read, and have knowledge?

Yeah, that is the line I had to commit to memory.  "College is REALLY expensive.  And then, after spending around a quarter of a million dollars (yeah, that was the estimate I was told most often) and four to six years in a building, you get a piece of paper that tells the rest of the world you know something and can be hired."
(add a part about 4-year degrees taking about 5 or 6 years to complete being the average due to changing of majors, laziness in taking classes & failing, etc if you want to...)
"Why would you EVER want to do that?  I can go out there and buy any book I want. I can even get most of them from the Library.  Do I want to be a Botanist?  Get books out of the library and memorize plant's latin names.  Then plant and run a garden for a couple years.  Do I want to know everything about the Revolutionary War?  Again, read all the books you can find.  Go and visit key battlegrounds and cities where events took place.  By all means, learn and study and get and education!  But NOT at a college.  We can render them obsolete."
And this last one was a nice bundle of issues: "Fine, if you want a college degree, you can get an English degree at the local community college.  CLEP out of as much as you can, and only go in for one or two semesters (CollegePlus was always suggested).  Then, when the government takes away our right to homeschool you can file as a teacher and have your own school with your kids in it, and any unfortunate other homeschoolers who did not prepare their daughters in this way."


Now, one thing I can claim is that I did have an exemplary homeschooled education.  My mother had a college degree and she spent long hours making lesson plans and working out classes for us.  We were required to have 80% mastery of anything we were tested on.  If you did not, you would go back and study, do full corrections until you got everything right, and then re-take the test.
This applied for Math, the sciences, any written or oral tests she made up for history, and any English tests we came upon.  We did Saxon Math, so it was fairly easy to grade those by percent and have us re-do lessons.  Failing a test meant going back over all the practice of the lessons the test covered and re-taking the test.  In Wile Science, we re-did modules and the Quarterlies (I failed Chemistry a couple times) were made to re-do all the modules double-time.  (because we should have most of the information memorized)
I didnt fail much in English, but the essays were not given a percent.  Unless they had so much red that it was hard to see the essay, we didnt re-write those very much.
I loved reading and did a lot of that once I hit puberty and became embarrassed about my size.  Sitting on the couch curled up was a safe place for me where no one could see my hairy underarms (I wasnt allowed to shave for a while) or tease me for my curves.
I am a fast learner, my family calling me the one with the "mind like a steel trap."  I love History and I do well in English and writing. 

My younger siblings are not receiving the education I did, because there are more little kids to care for, because we older siblings arent around to take care of a lot of the house duties and because my mother is much older and much more worn down than she was teaching the 'first round.'
  Also, I am seeing significant (sometimes purposeful) gaps in her current methods of teaching now that I am out in the world and finding out how reality differs from the family bubble...

To Be Continued.....

Update: College

I paid my tuition, lab fees, parking sticker, etc, today in full.

I just have to get my books and I'm all set for the Spring semester. :)
My essay keeps getting voted for, and keeps the top spot.
When it gets entered in the second drawing it will hopefully meet the same enthusiastic response.

The money from that should more than cover my fall semester and maybe even some of next spring.
Its crazy because I wasnt counting on winning it at all.  It was a shot in the dark, hoping that some of my friends would vote.  I feel so encouraged and capable.  Like I can do this, and knock it out of the park, and get all "A's" because I CAN.
As I waled out of the college to my car this afternoon, my receipt in my hand, I cried so hard I had to wait a couple minutes before driving.  I never ever thought I would be doing anything like this. 
I never thought I would make it.
I never thought I could do it.
I didnt believe I was worth it.


But this past two weeks: I have found out that I am.

Amazed

I feel humbled and so amazed by the enthusiasm that people have shown for my "cause."

I did not expect anyone except friends to notice it and I hoped to be selected for the top 10 essays based on merit and my essay, not on votes.

Some people were asking if they could donate directly, so my sister set up a ChipIn account for me:
Jenni's College: ChipIn Account

I signed up for 4 classes (11 credits) this morning.  With my hard work and savings, I have enough money for tuition and books.  Gas and other expenses I will keep working to support.  I had to change my availability around at work, but after 2 years of open availability, hopefully they will be sympathetic to me going to school.

All this rolls into motion January 10th, so I will definitely be updating this as often as possible.
I have over 2,000 votes for my essay, and the next leader has a bit over 850.

When the second round of voting comes through I will definitely update as well.

Please vote and share!

The election is over, but I have a new thing to vote for: Myself!!

There is 173 days left to vote.
The top ten voted essays get promoted and ten others chosen by the staff.
Results to come in June.
It would be nice to get some money for fall classes.


On Monday I sign up for a spring semester of 11 classes and a whole new life!!

Cursed

"They cursed me," I told him.

"Cursed?" He was incredulous in a bemused way like I had insisted I could pulled a bunny from my pants pocket.
"What do you think that means?"

I tried to explain about the hedge of thorns and the implications of being told (every time the subject came up) day in and day out that leaving home meant being homeless, unloved, poor, starving, cold, probably a drug addict and driven to the desperation of prostitution.

It is hard to look at all that and not nod and remember.  But now it also sounds ludicrous.  Like someone told a stupid joke with no punch line.  "Haha ha.... you are joking, right?"

He asked me what the implications of these 'curses' were on my life and mentioned examples people fulfilling the curse through their own mistaken beliefs.  While I saw what he meant, I dont think he fully understood my point, or the weight of these predictions over the head of a Quiverfull Daughter.

I work my butt off (excuse the euphemism) every day to prove to my mother that I am not lazy.
I clean more (and more thoroughly) than anyone at work to prove to my mother that I am not going to turn into a slovenly hoarder.
I keep up on theology and god and all that Koine to prove to my father that I am not one of those brainless children with no spine and no thinking capability or reasoning skills.
I smile and be polite to everyone no matter how I feel about them to show my parents I learned what they said about respect.  Especially when people dont deserve any of it.
I am pushing and fighting and clawing tooth and nail against all the lies in order to show them that I can succeed and have real friends and be loved apart from a rigid set or religious rules. 

To prove them wrong
To "have a reason for the hope that is in me"
To try to convince them to see my point of view

To get them to love me.

Because in the end, the curse is that no matter how hateful and unsupportive they are, and no matter what lies they tell the kids about me, and no matter how long they refuse to love me for who I am; I will be seeking and attempting to earn their love.
I will be trying to have a real family and real parents who really want what is best for ME, not what their little brown booklet says when opened to a certain page.

Its a blessing, and a curse.