When I hear people talk about "our children's hearts" I feel like using both of my fight-or-flight instincts. It makes me so mad, on one hand, and so afraid on the other. I usually end up not saying anything, waiting for the discussion to be over.
If anyone ever asks me what I think, I will try to tell them something like this:
By asking the question, are you assuming that you should have it?
Are you saying you are worthy of it?
Are you a good caretaker for it?
Can you learn from it?
What do you plan on doing with it?
How will you keep it?
Can you not use it as a weapon against them?
Will you give it back to them?
Will you teach them how to use it?
Will you teach them how to guard it/keep it for their own?
How they answer any of these should show me easily whether or not they are truly concerned about the issue, whether they are worth it or not.
Because what is the "heart" of a child/person anyway?
I postulate that it is our trust. Our vulnerability.
While it is most often used in the context of "love" and romantic emotions concerning marriage, I think what is the most at stake is the girl's trust in this young man. Is she willing to stake the happiness of her future on his promise?
Trusting in people is the most vulnerable and scary things about relationships. You give them your "heart." They can do multiple millions of things to hurt you and break your trust, but you give it anyway, willing to stake your potential heart-breaking on being vulnerable to them.
Young children give it when they take their parents word for things. (This is one reason why I think no parent should ever lie to children. Even "harmless" lies like Santa or being dropped off by a stork.) Your children trust you to tell them the truth. To love them. To be there for them.
As they grow older, they can learn to trust other people, like extended family and friends.
I think the most important question that parents should be asking is not "How do I get my child's heart?" but "How can I raise my child and not betray the trust they have in me?"
Because, if they do betray that, like all hurt in relationships, there is a painful break up. Like a sea-anemone when you get near it, or touch it. It pulls in and hides, wary, scared, and hurting.
I think parent's utmost efforts should be to maintain that trust. To make sure the child has no reason to fear them, or what they would do, or how they would react. They have been entrusted by God with a valuable and extremely vulnerable human soul. A Life.
Some people would love to see you mold and shape and beat and train and chastise and perfect that soul.
Most of them would claim that NOT doing this will ensure your child's demise into a sinning wastrel.
They then claim that after doing this, you must expect (or just demand) that the child still continue to trust you in everything and allow you to manage their "heart" for them.
They wonder why children lack trust in their parents. Why the youth of today would rather do anything than go to church or be taught by their parents. They wonder why families fall apart. Why children run away in the dark of the night, fearing to be found and caught, like slaves before the Civil War. Why parents cannot allow their adult children to live separate, individual lives.
Forget trying to find or get anything. Love, and let live.
Love, and watch thrive.
August 29, 2010
August 27, 2010
August 26, 2010
Remake
I'm sure you have heard this (especially if you are a young female), but I decided to do a conservative, patriarchal, fundie remake of it:
"A girl's heart should be so lost in her father that a man will have to seek him to find it."
Good riddance.
This has been this weeks episode of "Fundie Funnies" tune in next time on HTVL*.
*Heretic TV Live
"A girl's heart should be so lost in her father that a man will have to seek him to find it."
Good riddance.
This has been this weeks episode of "Fundie Funnies" tune in next time on HTVL*.
*Heretic TV Live
Psalm 145
14 The LORD upholds all who fall,
And raises up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look expectantly to You,
And You give them their food in due season.
16 You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.
17 The LORD is righteous in all His ways,
Gracious in all His works.
18 The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He also will hear their cry and save them.
20 The LORD preserves all who love Him,
But all the wicked He will destroy.
21 My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD,
And all flesh shall bless His holy name
Forever and ever.
And raises up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look expectantly to You,
And You give them their food in due season.
16 You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.
17 The LORD is righteous in all His ways,
Gracious in all His works.
18 The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He also will hear their cry and save them.
20 The LORD preserves all who love Him,
But all the wicked He will destroy.
21 My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD,
And all flesh shall bless His holy name
Forever and ever.
August 25, 2010
Denial
Denial is a favorite method of coping for many Christians. But not with Jesus. He wants truth in the inmost being, and to get it there he's got to take us into our inmost being. One way he'll do this is by bringing up an old memory. You'll be driving down the road and suddenly remember something from your childhood. Or maybe you'll have a dream about a long-forgotten person, event, or place. However he brings it up, go with him there. He has something to say to you.
The lessons that have been laid down in pain can be accessed only in pain. Christ must open the wound, not just bandage it over. Sometimes he'll take us there by having an event repeat itself years later, only with new characters in the current situation. We find ourselves overlooked for a job, just as we were overlooked by our parents. Or we experience fear again, just as we felt those lonely nights in our room upstairs. These are all invitations to go with him into the deep waters of the heart, uncover the lies buried down there, and bring in the truth that will set us free. Don't just bury it quickly; ask God what he is wanting to speak to.
(Waking the Dead , 122)
The lessons that have been laid down in pain can be accessed only in pain. Christ must open the wound, not just bandage it over. Sometimes he'll take us there by having an event repeat itself years later, only with new characters in the current situation. We find ourselves overlooked for a job, just as we were overlooked by our parents. Or we experience fear again, just as we felt those lonely nights in our room upstairs. These are all invitations to go with him into the deep waters of the heart, uncover the lies buried down there, and bring in the truth that will set us free. Don't just bury it quickly; ask God what he is wanting to speak to.
(Waking the Dead , 122)
August 24, 2010
Fighting for Healing
I wanted to post today on behalf of some people I have come to know, and one dear friend. About a year ago they began the Fanda Eagles blog to bring public awareness to the abuses perpetrated on them as children in the Missionary Boarding Schools.
I have followed their blog and prayed for the work being done on their behalf.
Like the children from patriarchal homes where God is used as a club, they were told that God had placed them in the hell-hole of Fanda because their parents calling to save the tribal peoples was more important than they were.
Like the daughters abused by their authorities, these children were subjected to authorities and "teachers" who had no training, almost no qualification, and very little experience in self-control or Godliness.
Like us, they were spanked until their wills were broken or until the teacher or dorm parent was exhausted.
As a missionary kid, I sympathize deeply with them. Although my parents chose to homeschool us, many of the soul-wounds we bear are similar. I pray that the more people who read this report and hear of the cause; the more we can change the future for the children to be born. Our childhoods were what the locusts ate. May God give the evil ones their full reward.
I have followed their blog and prayed for the work being done on their behalf.
Like the children from patriarchal homes where God is used as a club, they were told that God had placed them in the hell-hole of Fanda because their parents calling to save the tribal peoples was more important than they were.
Like the daughters abused by their authorities, these children were subjected to authorities and "teachers" who had no training, almost no qualification, and very little experience in self-control or Godliness.
Like us, they were spanked until their wills were broken or until the teacher or dorm parent was exhausted.
As a missionary kid, I sympathize deeply with them. Although my parents chose to homeschool us, many of the soul-wounds we bear are similar. I pray that the more people who read this report and hear of the cause; the more we can change the future for the children to be born. Our childhoods were what the locusts ate. May God give the evil ones their full reward.
August 22, 2010
Luke 13
10 Now He was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. 11 And behold, there was a woman who had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bent over and could in no way raise herself up. 12 But when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him and said to her, “Woman, you are loosed from your infirmity.” 13 And He laid His hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.
14 But the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath; and he said to the crowd, “There are six days on which men ought to work; therefore come and be healed on them, and not on the Sabbath day.”
15 The Lord then answered him and said, “Hypocrite! Does not each one of you on the Sabbath loose his ox or donkey from the stall, and lead it away to water it? 16 So ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound—think of it—for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath?” 17 And when He said these things, all His adversaries were put to shame; and all the multitude rejoiced for all the glorious things that were done by Him.
14 But the ruler of the synagogue answered with indignation, because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath; and he said to the crowd, “There are six days on which men ought to work; therefore come and be healed on them, and not on the Sabbath day.”
15 The Lord then answered him and said, “Hypocrite! Does not each one of you on the Sabbath loose his ox or donkey from the stall, and lead it away to water it? 16 So ought not this woman, being a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has bound—think of it—for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath?” 17 And when He said these things, all His adversaries were put to shame; and all the multitude rejoiced for all the glorious things that were done by Him.
August 21, 2010
Epoch
July 21st.
It has been a month, today, since I left home. It is scary for me. To think that I am out here, alone. It is also emboldening. I was not born a pansy. I have a great education (I have been told that by sooo many people lately) and I have a solid work ethic that allows me to work under people or be a manager, as the situation calls for.
It is amazing to think how much I have changed. A little while ago I let loose the term "feminist" that shocked a dear friend I used to know well. She could not believe that *I* was actually using the word, much less claiming it to myself. She remembers the days when I was a parrot and debated all you non-fundie heretics until I was blue in the mouth!
Now, dear readers, I am an Ex-Parrot!!!
No more of that. I have dropped my opinions (well, make that some of my opinions, I don't know what I would be without any opinions at all) and decided to not make any more unless I was willing to "die on that mountain" (as Mrs. G puts it).
I don't know what my future holds. I hope to finish getting proof of my education next week. I will be getting a car on Labor Day, and a friend in this area is seeing about a job for me. (Yay for word-of-mouth!!!)
God has been really good.
I cannot say that the month has been free from any non-blessing, but I am sure that the hard times were things I could get over. I can make it! I am strong enough! (And I can't believe I am saying that....!)
**honestly: that was the first word that came to my head when figuring out what to say . I did not use it to make anyone head over to google.
It has been a month, today, since I left home. It is scary for me. To think that I am out here, alone. It is also emboldening. I was not born a pansy. I have a great education (I have been told that by sooo many people lately) and I have a solid work ethic that allows me to work under people or be a manager, as the situation calls for.
It is amazing to think how much I have changed. A little while ago I let loose the term "feminist" that shocked a dear friend I used to know well. She could not believe that *I* was actually using the word, much less claiming it to myself. She remembers the days when I was a parrot and debated all you non-fundie heretics until I was blue in the mouth!
Now, dear readers, I am an Ex-Parrot!!!
No more of that. I have dropped my opinions (well, make that some of my opinions, I don't know what I would be without any opinions at all) and decided to not make any more unless I was willing to "die on that mountain" (as Mrs. G puts it).
I don't know what my future holds. I hope to finish getting proof of my education next week. I will be getting a car on Labor Day, and a friend in this area is seeing about a job for me. (Yay for word-of-mouth!!!)
God has been really good.
I cannot say that the month has been free from any non-blessing, but I am sure that the hard times were things I could get over. I can make it! I am strong enough! (And I can't believe I am saying that....!)
**honestly: that was the first word that came to my head when figuring out what to say . I did not use it to make anyone head over to google.
August 20, 2010
Book Review: Preparing to Be a Helpmeet
Book Review: Preparing to Be A Helpmeet
Ok, so this book I did not choose to read, or buy or anything. My mother was given a copy at a Ladies Bible Study she began going to, and she pushed it at me and said “tell me what you think.” I had just had my Wisdom teeth out, so during my convalescing, I decided “Why not.”
About: This book is for “young, bright eyed girls” who are planning on getting married. (“planning” meaning more along the lines of: older teen girl reading all the required books to older old-maid who doesn't know why she isn't married yet)
It is a wide brush that goes over the necessities of knowledge, planning, creativity, and compatibility to make a marriage.
Positives: While she does go into the whole “Courtship Story” thing, she does it in a way that does NOT paint a “this is how you need to do it” picture. WAY to many books out there set out models or say “at least incorporate these couple (dozen?) elements.” She does not even hint as to a “model.”
She also encourages seeking peace in one's decisions. Obviously there is a big emphasis on authorities and input from them, but she does give a section to a girl's personal decision. One part seemed a bit positive on “arranged” marriage, but it was slight.
I am not sure what audience she is writing for, but she does a good job in encouraging girls to be learning and learning and too keep on learning. She casts girls who sit at home and wait to be picked up in a negative light, and all the “good examples” are girls who are out serving God, working for a mission or a ministry, and accomplishing something with their lives.
Negatives:
My main negative in this book is that it is all directed at the girls. Now, DUH, this is a book TO girls, but it is written in such a way as to make me feel that the fate of my marriage is just about entirely on my shoulders. My preparation and my conduct is THE deciding factor and one fault of mine could ruin my marriage.
My first red flag was her telling me that women are the “man's image.” (Ch. 6, p 68) Man, she says, is in the image of the godhead (trinity), and we women (taken from their side) are in the man's image, and therefore “Our goal is to conform to being the type of woman our man needs...” (Reflections on Chapter 6, p. 128)
She spent 3 chapters on each of her three “types” of men (taken almost directly from Created to Be His Helpmeet) and then makes 3 categories for women under that and spends on chapter on all of them. She lumped them together and only really explained how each of the “girl types” fits with each guy type. [Note: I skipped all of chapter 5. My father is her “command man/King” type and it was really triggering for me to hear her gush about this type]
One confusing thing for me was trying to figure out what audience she is targeting. She speaks very angrily about vaccinations, encourages long hair and herbal healing and such. What I got from the middle chapters was that unless I was an issues-free, joyful-faced, smiling, well presented, and capable, hardworking type of girl....I wasn't marriageable material.
She has men commenting in little blurbs all through the book, and one of them says “Don't complain. Ever.” She tells girls that standing against (in disagreement with) your husband = standing against God. (Chapter 7, p 93) She says that stubbornness is a “masculine trait” and therefore unacceptable in a female.
Chapter 11 she jumps on texting. At first I thought it pretty funny until I realized the bigger picture. I don't know about other families, but my Father often picks one thing and blames everything on that. For Debi Pearl, the quantum of all evil is texting. She has a handful of negative examples and one horror story, and makes all kinds of statements about it. For instance:
“...internet 'love' is not real.” , she says that texting is used by the Devil to destroy lives, and “...there cannot be an honest, clean, courtship through texting.”
In this chapter she also deals with “seconds.” You know, the impure people? She gives an example (cast in a positive light) of a girl who turns a guy away because she didn't want her future children to have a “daddy with baggage.” The other (horror) story ends with the guy choosing a “nice, chaste girl who didn't text...” because the texting girl was an “already licked candy bar” (p. 139).
She finishes the chapter with a heavy admonition to girls. Because: “To get to know a man who is not your husband is emotional adultery. To exchange intimate knowledge with several guys is whorish.” (p. 139)
Chapter 15 deals with “honor” and sin. She talks about how her greatest hate/fear was spiders and how when she was speaking/thinking negatively about someone “God was waiting to give me [judgment] the first time my guard was down...” and her subsequent run-in with the biggest, ugliest and hairiest eight-legged monster. She then lets a friend tell her story of 3 separate issues with flea infestations when she ignored her husband's words/admonitions or thought that she knew better than he did.
She finishes up this chapter with the most terrible statement in the entire book: (p. 188) (for a girl raised by a “dominant, forceful father”)
“Life is easier for girls raised by dominant, forceful fathers because they are accustomed to obeying. They were never given any other option and grew accustomed to strong authority. In contrast, girls raised by kind, gentle fathers often get bitter toward their husbands if they are demanding.”
(I guess she expects husbands to be demanding and forceful? You have to assume a lot in this book)
Chapter 16 types depression as some sort of petty created problem: “...every black depression stems from someone 'supposing' another meant evil toward them, used the, thought offensively toward them, or whatever else the mind contrives. Imagine being free from all these misapprehensions!”
The final chapter is a word from some men. Her husband first, and another man after. I was glad it was in the back of the book, because it made me want to quit reading altogether, but I shall tell you about it anyway.
The other guy is apparently a preacher and he talks about a time when they needed an immediate emergency plumbing done the same time he was offered a preaching time at a prison he had been trying to get into for a long time. His wife offered to do the plumbing, and from the way he talks, she does everything and he is blessed to be free to preach, which is his calling. Reading it I sat there and wondered why he was married in the first place if his calling to preach was so important that his wife did EVERYTHING else (homeschooling, housework, plumbing, bills, etc, etc,etc). She may be his helpmeet, but she isn't helping him with anything when she is doing it all herself. But that is just me.
Now, on to the first comments, which some of you will please skip over due to the heart attack risk. I just about threw the book across the room. Michael Pearl gives us a look into what he tells “all” the guys who ask him what to look for in a woman. And, he then twists it into a benign character quality to make every single girl on the planet definite “trouble”. The quote in it's entirety says:
“I tell young men, if a young woman thinks she is a real catch, then know she is not. If she feels she is doing you a favor marrying you, then know for a fact you are marrying trouble. Make sure she feels blessed that you have chosen her. Keep searching until you find a girl with the most valuable of all character traits: a thankful heart.” [Chapter 17, p.206]
So, unless I fall at this guys feet in worship and say “ME?!?!? You are going to marry ME!?!?! Oh, you are SOOOOOO out of my league, I am BLESSED that *I* am your chosen bride” I am un-thankful piece of trouble?
So, that is the advice to men. For women it is: “Become the woman he needs.”
In summary, I think this book will convict a lot of women. We are only too willing to believe that we are at fault and only to willing to expend atomic bombs of energy to fix things we believe need to be fixed and repair what we are told we have damaged. The problem is that this will only work where the women are at fault. “Happily Ever After” will never happen when only one person is working to make things better! And since the men are told to find a woman who worships them and excused when they are demanding, insensitive, and forceful, they are not likely to see any place they need to change or work.
Heaven pity the poor women (girls) who follow this book.
Ok, so this book I did not choose to read, or buy or anything. My mother was given a copy at a Ladies Bible Study she began going to, and she pushed it at me and said “tell me what you think.” I had just had my Wisdom teeth out, so during my convalescing, I decided “Why not.”
About: This book is for “young, bright eyed girls” who are planning on getting married. (“planning” meaning more along the lines of: older teen girl reading all the required books to older old-maid who doesn't know why she isn't married yet)
It is a wide brush that goes over the necessities of knowledge, planning, creativity, and compatibility to make a marriage.
Positives: While she does go into the whole “Courtship Story” thing, she does it in a way that does NOT paint a “this is how you need to do it” picture. WAY to many books out there set out models or say “at least incorporate these couple (dozen?) elements.” She does not even hint as to a “model.”
She also encourages seeking peace in one's decisions. Obviously there is a big emphasis on authorities and input from them, but she does give a section to a girl's personal decision. One part seemed a bit positive on “arranged” marriage, but it was slight.
I am not sure what audience she is writing for, but she does a good job in encouraging girls to be learning and learning and too keep on learning. She casts girls who sit at home and wait to be picked up in a negative light, and all the “good examples” are girls who are out serving God, working for a mission or a ministry, and accomplishing something with their lives.
Negatives:
My main negative in this book is that it is all directed at the girls. Now, DUH, this is a book TO girls, but it is written in such a way as to make me feel that the fate of my marriage is just about entirely on my shoulders. My preparation and my conduct is THE deciding factor and one fault of mine could ruin my marriage.
My first red flag was her telling me that women are the “man's image.” (Ch. 6, p 68) Man, she says, is in the image of the godhead (trinity), and we women (taken from their side) are in the man's image, and therefore “Our goal is to conform to being the type of woman our man needs...” (Reflections on Chapter 6, p. 128)
She spent 3 chapters on each of her three “types” of men (taken almost directly from Created to Be His Helpmeet) and then makes 3 categories for women under that and spends on chapter on all of them. She lumped them together and only really explained how each of the “girl types” fits with each guy type. [Note: I skipped all of chapter 5. My father is her “command man/King” type and it was really triggering for me to hear her gush about this type]
One confusing thing for me was trying to figure out what audience she is targeting. She speaks very angrily about vaccinations, encourages long hair and herbal healing and such. What I got from the middle chapters was that unless I was an issues-free, joyful-faced, smiling, well presented, and capable, hardworking type of girl....I wasn't marriageable material.
She has men commenting in little blurbs all through the book, and one of them says “Don't complain. Ever.” She tells girls that standing against (in disagreement with) your husband = standing against God. (Chapter 7, p 93) She says that stubbornness is a “masculine trait” and therefore unacceptable in a female.
Chapter 11 she jumps on texting. At first I thought it pretty funny until I realized the bigger picture. I don't know about other families, but my Father often picks one thing and blames everything on that. For Debi Pearl, the quantum of all evil is texting. She has a handful of negative examples and one horror story, and makes all kinds of statements about it. For instance:
“...internet 'love' is not real.” , she says that texting is used by the Devil to destroy lives, and “...there cannot be an honest, clean, courtship through texting.”
In this chapter she also deals with “seconds.” You know, the impure people? She gives an example (cast in a positive light) of a girl who turns a guy away because she didn't want her future children to have a “daddy with baggage.” The other (horror) story ends with the guy choosing a “nice, chaste girl who didn't text...” because the texting girl was an “already licked candy bar” (p. 139).
She finishes the chapter with a heavy admonition to girls. Because: “To get to know a man who is not your husband is emotional adultery. To exchange intimate knowledge with several guys is whorish.” (p. 139)
Chapter 15 deals with “honor” and sin. She talks about how her greatest hate/fear was spiders and how when she was speaking/thinking negatively about someone “God was waiting to give me [judgment] the first time my guard was down...” and her subsequent run-in with the biggest, ugliest and hairiest eight-legged monster. She then lets a friend tell her story of 3 separate issues with flea infestations when she ignored her husband's words/admonitions or thought that she knew better than he did.
She finishes up this chapter with the most terrible statement in the entire book: (p. 188) (for a girl raised by a “dominant, forceful father”)
“Life is easier for girls raised by dominant, forceful fathers because they are accustomed to obeying. They were never given any other option and grew accustomed to strong authority. In contrast, girls raised by kind, gentle fathers often get bitter toward their husbands if they are demanding.”
(I guess she expects husbands to be demanding and forceful? You have to assume a lot in this book)
Chapter 16 types depression as some sort of petty created problem: “...every black depression stems from someone 'supposing' another meant evil toward them, used the, thought offensively toward them, or whatever else the mind contrives. Imagine being free from all these misapprehensions!”
The final chapter is a word from some men. Her husband first, and another man after. I was glad it was in the back of the book, because it made me want to quit reading altogether, but I shall tell you about it anyway.
The other guy is apparently a preacher and he talks about a time when they needed an immediate emergency plumbing done the same time he was offered a preaching time at a prison he had been trying to get into for a long time. His wife offered to do the plumbing, and from the way he talks, she does everything and he is blessed to be free to preach, which is his calling. Reading it I sat there and wondered why he was married in the first place if his calling to preach was so important that his wife did EVERYTHING else (homeschooling, housework, plumbing, bills, etc, etc,etc). She may be his helpmeet, but she isn't helping him with anything when she is doing it all herself. But that is just me.
Now, on to the first comments, which some of you will please skip over due to the heart attack risk. I just about threw the book across the room. Michael Pearl gives us a look into what he tells “all” the guys who ask him what to look for in a woman. And, he then twists it into a benign character quality to make every single girl on the planet definite “trouble”. The quote in it's entirety says:
“I tell young men, if a young woman thinks she is a real catch, then know she is not. If she feels she is doing you a favor marrying you, then know for a fact you are marrying trouble. Make sure she feels blessed that you have chosen her. Keep searching until you find a girl with the most valuable of all character traits: a thankful heart.” [Chapter 17, p.206]
So, unless I fall at this guys feet in worship and say “ME?!?!? You are going to marry ME!?!?! Oh, you are SOOOOOO out of my league, I am BLESSED that *I* am your chosen bride” I am un-thankful piece of trouble?
So, that is the advice to men. For women it is: “Become the woman he needs.”
In summary, I think this book will convict a lot of women. We are only too willing to believe that we are at fault and only to willing to expend atomic bombs of energy to fix things we believe need to be fixed and repair what we are told we have damaged. The problem is that this will only work where the women are at fault. “Happily Ever After” will never happen when only one person is working to make things better! And since the men are told to find a woman who worships them and excused when they are demanding, insensitive, and forceful, they are not likely to see any place they need to change or work.
Heaven pity the poor women (girls) who follow this book.
August 13, 2010
Meditations....
2 Peter 2
1 But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. 2 And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3 By covetousness they will exploit you with deceptive words; for a long time their judgment has not been idle, and their destruction does not slumber.
18 For when they speak great swelling words of emptiness, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through lewdness, the ones who have actually escaped from those who live in error. 19 While they promise them liberty, they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage. 20 For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning. 21 For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. 22 But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: “A dog returns to his own vomit,” and, “a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire.”
1 But there were also false prophets among the people, even as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them, and bring on themselves swift destruction. 2 And many will follow their destructive ways, because of whom the way of truth will be blasphemed. 3 By covetousness they will exploit you with deceptive words; for a long time their judgment has not been idle, and their destruction does not slumber.
18 For when they speak great swelling words of emptiness, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through lewdness, the ones who have actually escaped from those who live in error. 19 While they promise them liberty, they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage. 20 For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning. 21 For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them. 22 But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: “A dog returns to his own vomit,” and, “a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire.”
James 3
1 My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.August 12, 2010
PTSD?
Yesterday/today marks 3 weeks from when I left home/got to this place. It doesn't seem like that much time, but at the same time it seems like forever.
I think I had my first PTSD episode last night. It wasn't anything serious, and it was entirely honest and innocent on the part of the people who triggered me, but I stood there with waves of fear washing over me, feeling like I should leave ASAP, scared to death, fear....yeah. Like all the alarms in my head went off in a moment. I don't know if it showed.
I think I got over it pretty quickly, and put my mind to learning new things which would look good on my resume/life experiences page. I keep thinking about it though, dunno if that is good or bad.
Mrs. G is helping me through it,encouraging and all that....
I think I had my first PTSD episode last night. It wasn't anything serious, and it was entirely honest and innocent on the part of the people who triggered me, but I stood there with waves of fear washing over me, feeling like I should leave ASAP, scared to death, fear....yeah. Like all the alarms in my head went off in a moment. I don't know if it showed.
I think I got over it pretty quickly, and put my mind to learning new things which would look good on my resume/life experiences page. I keep thinking about it though, dunno if that is good or bad.
Mrs. G is helping me through it,encouraging and all that....
August 11, 2010
Life Happens:
I don't have OCD, but I am obsessive, and trying to NOT obsess put me into a mild depression last night. I walked it out, trying to call people on the phone. I really hate answering machines. I finally got my grandmother on the phone and we chatted for a little while.
Life still takes everything I have. I usually crash sometime in the afternoon and sleep for a couple hours. I keep beating myself up for it, because then I don't sleep until late at night and I wake up after 9 in the morning.
How am I supposed to be normal when I can't function normally?
Should I aim for being normal in the first place?
Isn't normal relative?
Why do I keep asking so many questions that can't really be answered?
Life still takes everything I have. I usually crash sometime in the afternoon and sleep for a couple hours. I keep beating myself up for it, because then I don't sleep until late at night and I wake up after 9 in the morning.
How am I supposed to be normal when I can't function normally?
Should I aim for being normal in the first place?
Isn't normal relative?
Why do I keep asking so many questions that can't really be answered?
August 8, 2010
The Proper way to do a Holy Fainting Fit
Since I am in a funny mood today I decided to post a bit of humor how-to for y'all.
The Proper Way to do a Holy Fainting Fit
Note: A Proper Holy Fainting Fit is not something to make fun of, or laugh at. It is a serious way to show God, and man, that you are Biblically horrified by the unseemly and worldly behavior or words of others. It is spoken of in Scripture as a very solemn thing to do, and we should use it only with the utmost sincerity of heart and mind.
Step 1) Taking your Bible in your hands, hold it to your chest and cross your arms in an X position over it.
(Notice the lovely symbolism of Christ in this picture. X, or "kai" is a Greek letter, the first letter in the word "kristos" which is where we get out word "Christ" from.)
(Ps. if your Bible is not on hand or within an arms reach.....why.....*queue Holy Fainting Fit)
Step 2) Make sure ahead of time you are near a soft landing place (like a couch or loveseat).
Step 3) Fall backwards, or sideways across the soft landing place. (Ladies, this must be done with utmost care, as to not take the chance of your skirt coming up 3 inches and showing your toes. That would severely damage your brothers in Christ!!)
Step 4) As you are falling, let out your loudest, but still decorous gasp. Make sure that the person who is the reason for this is watching and knows that they have offended God and man.
(Ps. for bonus points instead of gasping, quote an applicable Bible verse condemning the perpetrator to hell)
Final notes:
Again, I cannot stress the importance of doing this in a reverent and God-fearing manner. This is a helpful visual too that can convict even the hardest of sinners. The Bible speaks most strictly about our duty to save the lost and to build the Church.
The Proper Way to do a Holy Fainting Fit
Note: A Proper Holy Fainting Fit is not something to make fun of, or laugh at. It is a serious way to show God, and man, that you are Biblically horrified by the unseemly and worldly behavior or words of others. It is spoken of in Scripture as a very solemn thing to do, and we should use it only with the utmost sincerity of heart and mind.
Step 1) Taking your Bible in your hands, hold it to your chest and cross your arms in an X position over it.
(Notice the lovely symbolism of Christ in this picture. X, or "kai" is a Greek letter, the first letter in the word "kristos" which is where we get out word "Christ" from.)
(Ps. if your Bible is not on hand or within an arms reach.....why.....*queue Holy Fainting Fit)
Step 2) Make sure ahead of time you are near a soft landing place (like a couch or loveseat).
Step 3) Fall backwards, or sideways across the soft landing place. (Ladies, this must be done with utmost care, as to not take the chance of your skirt coming up 3 inches and showing your toes. That would severely damage your brothers in Christ!!)
Step 4) As you are falling, let out your loudest, but still decorous gasp. Make sure that the person who is the reason for this is watching and knows that they have offended God and man.
(Ps. for bonus points instead of gasping, quote an applicable Bible verse condemning the perpetrator to hell)
Final notes:
Again, I cannot stress the importance of doing this in a reverent and God-fearing manner. This is a helpful visual too that can convict even the hardest of sinners. The Bible speaks most strictly about our duty to save the lost and to build the Church.
August 7, 2010
Love pt. 5
I watched Man on Fire last night.
I had seen the ending before, so it was not as suspenseful as it might have been.
I was however, really touched, and I cried like I knew I would. Yay for another favorite movie!!
It really touched me when it came to the real portrayal of love. In my desperate longing to be loved like that, I was reminded that that was how God loved me, how Jesus gave Himself up for me. And I cried.
Then, I heard this song:
I had seen the ending before, so it was not as suspenseful as it might have been.
I was however, really touched, and I cried like I knew I would. Yay for another favorite movie!!
It really touched me when it came to the real portrayal of love. In my desperate longing to be loved like that, I was reminded that that was how God loved me, how Jesus gave Himself up for me. And I cried.
Then, I heard this song:
August 5, 2010
On Being "Worldly"
To not get into too much detail, I am living with a worldly family.
*I can see some of you fainting there on your computer chairs!
Mrs. G is unashamedly part of this world, and she will probably laugh at me when she reads this. (Next week, I think, she doesn't snoop on me that often. Not that I mind, if she would....) They have DVR and we watch Glee every week. I am really enjoying the music. I think branching out in listening really can help define who you are. It is a GREAT exercise in choosing! I choose, I randomly select, I throw out, I listen to over and over again, and look up different music all week.
Other things that are adapting me to this foreign environment are movies like "Accepted." Being bored the other day, G-son got the movie out for me to watch. I sat there utterly mind-boggled for most of it. One line especially, where he tells his parents that he does not want to go to college, they respond: "There are rules in society! You have to go to college!" (or something like that)
I seriously had to stop the movie and get my mind over that one for a bit.
I am being accused of being a homebody. I don't go out of the house much. Well, everything in its right time. BUT, I am trying to adapt to an earlier schedule. Waking up at 7:30 is hard. However, doing things to keep myself awake during the day is interesting. I need a job! For now I am re-hashing math. The more I do the easier it gets. My headgears are all rusty.
*I can see some of you fainting there on your computer chairs!
Mrs. G is unashamedly part of this world, and she will probably laugh at me when she reads this. (Next week, I think, she doesn't snoop on me that often. Not that I mind, if she would....) They have DVR and we watch Glee every week. I am really enjoying the music. I think branching out in listening really can help define who you are. It is a GREAT exercise in choosing! I choose, I randomly select, I throw out, I listen to over and over again, and look up different music all week.
Other things that are adapting me to this foreign environment are movies like "Accepted." Being bored the other day, G-son got the movie out for me to watch. I sat there utterly mind-boggled for most of it. One line especially, where he tells his parents that he does not want to go to college, they respond: "There are rules in society! You have to go to college!" (or something like that)
I seriously had to stop the movie and get my mind over that one for a bit.
I am being accused of being a homebody. I don't go out of the house much. Well, everything in its right time. BUT, I am trying to adapt to an earlier schedule. Waking up at 7:30 is hard. However, doing things to keep myself awake during the day is interesting. I need a job! For now I am re-hashing math. The more I do the easier it gets. My headgears are all rusty.
August 2, 2010
Not Much to Say
I know I should be calling people and writing letters and emailing and even updating this blog.
I just don't have anything to say.
Life.....is good. is moving. is the same......?
I got an email from Target telling me that they were unable to offer me a position. I have yet to hear from the other places I have applied. Mrs. G and I will go out later this week and apply at more places. I am also getting contacted about housecleaning jobs and childcare work through a different avenue. So far nothing major to report.
I wish I had more to say.
I wish I was doing something with my life
I wish when people asked me about my day I had more to say than "waiting."
"For everything there is a season...."
I just don't have anything to say.
Life.....is good. is moving. is the same......?
I got an email from Target telling me that they were unable to offer me a position. I have yet to hear from the other places I have applied. Mrs. G and I will go out later this week and apply at more places. I am also getting contacted about housecleaning jobs and childcare work through a different avenue. So far nothing major to report.
I wish I had more to say.
I wish I was doing something with my life
I wish when people asked me about my day I had more to say than "waiting."
"For everything there is a season...."
August 1, 2010
Once upon a Sunday
I go to church now.
It sounds funny to say, because Daddy always decried "tradition" and especially anything that "worldly" Christians or believers would do. It is a very interesting place, in that it is an old coffee shop. The format is chairs around tables, a handful of couches, and a couple rows of chairs in the back lined up pew-style.
Mrs. G suggested that I sing with the "worship team" (worship is a lifestyle, not singing....albeit, I use the words because they have become a description rather than a word). I was unsure, and was pretty sure that I would not be needed. She pushed me up front and they gladly taught me. A different lady who recently had a tumor removed from her brain is singing harmony. She is amazing, and her voice training has stayed with her although she lost some brain memory with the removal of the tumor. I have only to learn the melody to about 4 songs each week.
I am also going to be reading through The Message. I haven;t been enjoying reading "my" Bible, mostly because I have a typical symptom of ex-cult people...hearing other's voices over/inbetween the words of Scripture. It really ruins scripture for me. For all of us.
I figured the Message would be different enough that I would not get triggered or anything. I am reading just a bit a day, like a book, and I am writing down my thoughts and how I feel about what I read.
It is funny, I picked it rather than any other translation just because my dad always spoke of it as the off-scouring of the earth....
I am such a heretic!!!!
It sounds funny to say, because Daddy always decried "tradition" and especially anything that "worldly" Christians or believers would do. It is a very interesting place, in that it is an old coffee shop. The format is chairs around tables, a handful of couches, and a couple rows of chairs in the back lined up pew-style.
Mrs. G suggested that I sing with the "worship team" (worship is a lifestyle, not singing....albeit, I use the words because they have become a description rather than a word). I was unsure, and was pretty sure that I would not be needed. She pushed me up front and they gladly taught me. A different lady who recently had a tumor removed from her brain is singing harmony. She is amazing, and her voice training has stayed with her although she lost some brain memory with the removal of the tumor. I have only to learn the melody to about 4 songs each week.
I am also going to be reading through The Message. I haven;t been enjoying reading "my" Bible, mostly because I have a typical symptom of ex-cult people...hearing other's voices over/inbetween the words of Scripture. It really ruins scripture for me. For all of us.
I figured the Message would be different enough that I would not get triggered or anything. I am reading just a bit a day, like a book, and I am writing down my thoughts and how I feel about what I read.
It is funny, I picked it rather than any other translation just because my dad always spoke of it as the off-scouring of the earth....
I am such a heretic!!!!
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