The Proper Way to do a Holy Fainting Fit
Note: A Proper Holy Fainting Fit is not something to make fun of, or laugh at. It is a serious way to show God, and man, that you are Biblically horrified by the unseemly and worldly behavior or words of others. It is spoken of in Scripture as a very solemn thing to do, and we should use it only with the utmost sincerity of heart and mind.
Step 1) Taking your Bible in your hands, hold it to your chest and cross your arms in an X position over it.
(Notice the lovely symbolism of Christ in this picture. X, or "kai" is a Greek letter, the first letter in the word "kristos" which is where we get out word "Christ" from.)
(Ps. if your Bible is not on hand or within an arms reach.....why.....*queue Holy Fainting Fit)
Step 2) Make sure ahead of time you are near a soft landing place (like a couch or loveseat).
Step 3) Fall backwards, or sideways across the soft landing place. (Ladies, this must be done with utmost care, as to not take the chance of your skirt coming up 3 inches and showing your toes. That would severely damage your brothers in Christ!!)
Step 4) As you are falling, let out your loudest, but still decorous gasp. Make sure that the person who is the reason for this is watching and knows that they have offended God and man.
(Ps. for bonus points instead of gasping, quote an applicable Bible verse condemning the perpetrator to hell)
Final notes:
Again, I cannot stress the importance of doing this in a reverent and God-fearing manner. This is a helpful visual too that can convict even the hardest of sinners. The Bible speaks most strictly about our duty to save the lost and to build the Church.
2 comments:
LOL
So funny!
That bit about ladies showing their toes reminds me of one summer, when me/my family was walking through a Civil War reenactment camp, and I was wearing long culottes, and this guy (acting 'in character', and totally in jest) exclaimed, "She's showing her ankles! :O " It was sooo hilarious!
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