I think it is time to put to rest a saying that I have heard more times than I ever care to hear, and a saying that makes me sick to my stomach. Sick both with past memories and future fears, even illogical ones, because that is something that I will need a lot of therapy and healing to cope with.
We have all heard it: "Parents know best" or some variation thereof.
I have a couple problems with this adage. First, it is OLD. Ancient, in fact. An in the ancient world, it was perhaps a fact and not merely a saying. Second, it is mostly false.
I can be generous and say that many parents want what is best for their children (definitely not all, not really sure about saying most) and have their children's best interests at heart. However, in today's world, this saying is most assuredly not a fact and not a truth, and almost nothing but a relic.
This is an OLD concept. Say three decades ago (the 80s, people!), a parent told their child a blatant mis-truth. (For instance, "Your mother was a horse.") The child might believe it for a time, being impressionable and young, but after growing up and learning about procreation and such, the child would find out that their father lied to them. Other mis-truths that were not so blatant might never be discovered if the child/young person/adult never came across a fact that would dis-prove their parent's lies/deception (for instance: "Gay men are all pedophiles and dendrophiliacs.")
In the Age of Information, knowledge and fact is everywhere. A tween has merely to do a simple google search to find information about everything from phlebotomy to graphic sexual pictures and instructions.
A parent's only recourse is to limit a child's world and keep them in a bubble (something homeschooling parents like mine did very well) and keep them socially and worldly ignorant.
Unfortunately for parents: this method will work only as long as the child is a) young or b) chooses to ignore the cognitive dissonance as an adult and continues to live in their parents bubble willingly/through ignorance.
It did not work for me, as I left home (3 years ago, yesterday) and decided to no longer subserviate myself to their goals and designs for me. (My spell-check doesnt like that word. lol)
Because people are MUCH more educated today than they were even 3 decades ago and can find out the mis-truth or veracity of anything if they desire, parents are more and more unable to control their child's/adult's personality and choices. If your child wants to grow up and become a dental hygienist, or conversely if they want to sell artwork on etsy their entire lives: their parents can no longer tell the person (not child) things like "no one makes a living off etsy" because many people do. Any attempts by the parent to control the person's future are therefore manipulative (and in my opinion sinister and cruel and quite possibly evil).
Also, while in the past the benefit of experience and age meant something, much of this knowledge is shared. It is not impossible to find stories going both ways about EVERY situation and choice under the sun. You want a good opinion of this? Let me find it for you. An opinion saying this exact thing ruined someone's life? A personal testimony hot and fresh off the life-grill.
Second reason: This is mostly false.
Parents do not know at all times and in all cases what is intrinsically best for their offspring, especially their older and adult offspring. While genetics are a part of family, each and every offspring you or anyone in this world has is going to be 100% different from them. Different life experiences, different character traits and combinations, different features, different friends, different, different, different. Yes, many parents mean well and they sincerely want what is best for their offspring, but unfortunately, the aforementioned parents are also human. Through their human lens, they can only recommend or steer as they personally see best. Which can lead to some pretty disgruntled adults, because what your parent may personally think is best may be completely the opposite of what is best for YOU as a person, and individual, and a separate life from them.
Also, the amount of change capable in one lifetime, especially given my first point above about the increasing availability and openness of information, is expansively more than three decades ago could ever have been. For instance, imagine a child being told that gays were dendrophiliacs and pedophiles. Should this person grow up to have homosexual desires, they would have trouble with their identity because they had no tree-urges and therefore could not identify themselves as homosexual.
However, a person in a similar situation today has merely to pull up wikipedia to find out that dendroplilia has nothing to do with being hetero or homosexual, and they can also explore the Genderbread Person Model and figure out for themselves exactly how to be themselves, despite their parents mental, religious, or ancient ideologies regarding gender and sexuality.
I say: Lets euthanize this adage!!
It pre-dates the age of information (which disproved things once taken for granted, like Pluto's planethood), and it is no longer the case in a world where people are more free to choose their own way earlier and earlier in life.
While it may still apply in some cases, it is definitely no longer true for the majority, and it is in many situations blatantly wrong and hurtful to those who have been at odd with their parents. It gives complete strangers an ability to tell you you were wrong in your choices for yourself, because they assume that in all cases, all parents are better at deciding their children's lives and choices than the child/person/adult themselves.
Also, saying that the "meant well" is identical to saying they know best. I know of quite a few cases where the parents do NOT mean well.
Finally, think about this real-life situation.
A 29 year old woman, whose parent's have authority over because of her medical situation and IQ.
Do her parents know best and mean well when they call her delusional and want her isolated, unable to get the job she wants, and in a place she is not meant to be?
