Cursed

"They cursed me," I told him.

"Cursed?" He was incredulous in a bemused way like I had insisted I could pulled a bunny from my pants pocket.
"What do you think that means?"

I tried to explain about the hedge of thorns and the implications of being told (every time the subject came up) day in and day out that leaving home meant being homeless, unloved, poor, starving, cold, probably a drug addict and driven to the desperation of prostitution.

It is hard to look at all that and not nod and remember.  But now it also sounds ludicrous.  Like someone told a stupid joke with no punch line.  "Haha ha.... you are joking, right?"

He asked me what the implications of these 'curses' were on my life and mentioned examples people fulfilling the curse through their own mistaken beliefs.  While I saw what he meant, I dont think he fully understood my point, or the weight of these predictions over the head of a Quiverfull Daughter.

I work my butt off (excuse the euphemism) every day to prove to my mother that I am not lazy.
I clean more (and more thoroughly) than anyone at work to prove to my mother that I am not going to turn into a slovenly hoarder.
I keep up on theology and god and all that Koine to prove to my father that I am not one of those brainless children with no spine and no thinking capability or reasoning skills.
I smile and be polite to everyone no matter how I feel about them to show my parents I learned what they said about respect.  Especially when people dont deserve any of it.
I am pushing and fighting and clawing tooth and nail against all the lies in order to show them that I can succeed and have real friends and be loved apart from a rigid set or religious rules. 

To prove them wrong
To "have a reason for the hope that is in me"
To try to convince them to see my point of view

To get them to love me.

Because in the end, the curse is that no matter how hateful and unsupportive they are, and no matter what lies they tell the kids about me, and no matter how long they refuse to love me for who I am; I will be seeking and attempting to earn their love.
I will be trying to have a real family and real parents who really want what is best for ME, not what their little brown booklet says when opened to a certain page.

Its a blessing, and a curse.