A Milestone

Tonight, I turn 15 years old.

No, this is not a different person. It is just a different birth-day. A little after midnight I will be remembering a little girl, who had very little idea of the import of her words. But she meant them, and she was ready.

I can see her.....

She is supposed to be in her room resting. It is after lunch, but why isn't she obeying? She is restless, she wanders into her parents empty room, and stares out on her favorite view: the mountain all the way on the left, the trees and the road (the water of the sea just out of sight behind them) in front of her and to her right. The wonder of it all was weighing on her mind. “Oh God who created all this,” she suddenly addresses One she knows is important. “If you did all this—created all this beauty—I want You, I need You in my life.” It was simple, but she knew what she was doing. Suddenly, she realized what else she needed to do! She ran downstairs and told her parents, who were excited for her, and celebrated, and then sent her back to rest where she should have been in the first place.

How little she knows! And how little anyone else knows! She remembers little else of her very young childhood, but that memory has always remained sharp and prominent. The emotions come rushing back, and the same beautiful scene. Later in her life, she would call it “her place”. She would escape to the corner of the house to sing and pray and look up at the bright full moon (her best friend) and remember, or hope for her future, or cry—telling the plants all around the latest thing that had happened to break her heart.

If she was around now, she could only see it in her mind's eye, and in the drawing someone gave her of it before she left.
But the girl who now inhabits her mind and body, whose spirit is now passing another year marker is meditating. How have these years shaped and affected my spiritual walk? Have I matured much/any over time?
Having to re-learn so many things makes me feel like a child, a baby trying so hard to stand over my wobbling knees and force my baby feet to carry me a few steps. I fall down, all babies do, but I keep falling...
Maybe soon I will learn how to walk.