Memories

I am tired tonight. Emotional energy has been running low due to a couple complications in life recently. I have also been working a lot on writing out "my story." The funny thing is that the longer I spend writing and adding and editing....the more I remember. I added a whole bunch of paragraphs, almost a whole 'nother section last night.

Tonight I remembered words people said to me from almost 10 years ago. And by remember....I felt the wind from the speed of the motorcycle. I felt the sleepiness that was making me relax and almost fall asleep against the driver.

I remember a different scene....sitting at the small kitchen table and wreaking my mind for the right words to frame my fears.

I remember sitting beside someone I was once devoted to and trying to tell them how I felt about never seeing them again. I remember how the light fell across their melting brown eyes and the confused and pained look in them.

I remember the wrenching inside as I smiled over and over again.

I remember confessing things to my mother that I had buried under the depths of my mind. I remember staring anywhere but her eyes, at the moth-eaten carpet, at the flower-trellis decorations, at the couch--all torn and the foam picked at by years of little children.

I can't remember smells. I have tried and tried. I guess you can't create or force memories. They come sweeping over you like tidal waves and pull your feet out before you have time to grab on to anything.

Tomorrow, depending on the weather, we will be going south to see where we are moving into temporarily. It is right in the center of a middle-of-nowhere town...at least from the view of the people up here. Yeah, I am prejudiced.
However, we are right across the street from a mini-mart. Maybe I can talk my Dad into letting me work there. It will be something. I think I convinced my mom that instead of burning time at the house I could bring in something.
Being in the middle of town, there is one baseball field in the semi-near vicinity. We have a parking lot for a yard. I personally feel a little strangled when surrounded by stone, brick, and concrete. I am a tropics girl, after all.
It will also be about an hour from anything we do up in the "town" north of us...which is where my only friends live. Maybe by October we will be out, who knows.