I am pretty much an Eldredge Fan. Well, more like I LOVE Captivating and I am working through Waking the Dead slowly and surely.
When I found that they had a new book out, I jumped at the chance to get a copy. Well, more like I really wanted to read it, but was afraid. See, it is a book on marriage.
Now, I am not married, and unmarried girls reading marriage books just puts out a message of: “Trying too hard”, or “too desperate”, or something along those lines.
But I really wanted to read it because I wanted to know what a good marriage looks like. I wanted desperately to have some model or some frame of reference to use if I ever do get anyone interested in me. It is pitiful, I guess. I was talking with a dear girl (I believe I referenced her before as “S”) about marriage and our conversation went like this:
Me:...and I hear that those (good marriages) are hard
In fact, most of the ones I see are not what I want
for myself or my children
“S”: to be honest, I've never really seen 'unhappy marriages'... heard of them... but not really known anyone in one
Me: come to our house
have yourself a lesson
(I know of) parents who kiss and do silly lover-like stuff a lot
and they have had like 10 kids and are in their 50s
I just can't understand or imagine
its sad really
I have been doing a lot of reading of marriage books and the like...trying to get enough head knowledge for if I ever get (to) the real thing
“S”: I'm so sorry for you... I can't understand or imagine your situation...
I feel the same way. I have NO idea what it is like to have parents who really care for one another. My mother protested to my brother just the other day that she “really loves” daddy (it was their 25th Wedding Anniversary). But somehow her love gets lost in his demands and brusqueness and the drag of the life behind the masks.
But I am not writing this out to drag their personal lives out on the Internet. It is just that all the marriages I have personally experienced/been around (not many beyond family) are not what I would want for myself or for my children. I have heard of people who ARE happily married, and some close friends seem to have parents that are like that....but I really don't know their parents or see them much.
Love and War starts out by dashing all the “diamond sunbursts and marble halls” of young dreamers. “Marriage is hard” they say over and over again. And they prove it by looking deeply into what each of us know all too well—the brokenness deep within us. They break from other books by talking frankly and openly about the difficulties of living with another broken, “royally messed up” human being. They state that the purpose of marriage is for God to use this one person as His special “transforming tool” in your life. By living in close and constant communion with this other soul, you need to be forgiving, gentle, relentlessly loving, and try your utmost to be self-sacrificing.
It was a good read. I got through it in two sittings, and it flows easily and engages at the same time. I will probably lend it to a couple people (and my BFF already asked me to let her read it after I was done with it) I have talked to about it, and I will definitely keep it handy to read again in the future.
They break from their other books in that L&W is very light on the movie references. I know that context makes them generally understandable in intent, but for those of us culturally clueless when it comes to Star Wars or The Matrix there is only a random occurrence.
I admire how open and free they are. Writing is a scary thing, because you are baring a part of yourself, your thoughts and dreams and plans and way of thinking to another....to many others.
There are times that writing on this blog feels like I am baring my heart to the entire world. It is scary, and definitely intensely personal. They share their hearts, and it encourages you to get up off the couch and fight. To love with abandon. To engage in the war for the redemption of humankind from evil. To follow God with every ounce in you.
And they promise that it can be done.
4 comments:
I think I'd like to read that book. I'll admit to having slightly 'dreamy' ideas about marriage... so it sounds like a good read to help me get the facts straight. *laughs* Of course, it is a long time before I get to that point... but I'll keep the book in mind if I happen to run across it somewhere. :)
;) i have seen The Matrix and 2 Star Wars now. :D most of the movies that are commonly referenced really are good, so you'll have to see them.
Hey, I just got that book in the mail and am supposed to write a review also. But I was hoping to read it with my husband and he's been gone so I haven't started it yet. I love everything else they've ever written so I'm sure it'll be awesome!
i, too, started watching all the movies they reference while reading the books after I moved out. :-)
This is one of my favorite pieces of advice on marriage. It is translated from the Old English for ease of reading:
"For there is one thing I can safely say: that those bound by love must obey each other if they are to keep company long. Love will not be constrained by mastery; when mastery comes, the God of love at once beats his wings, and farewell -- he is gone. Love is a thing as free as any spirit; women naturally desire liberty, and not to be constrained like slaves; and so do men, if I shall tell the truth. See who is the most patient in love; he has the greatest advantage. Patience is surely a great virtue, for it vanquished, as these scholars say, things that rigor would never manage. One cannot scold or complain at every word. Learn to endure patiently, or else, as I live and breathe, you shall learn it whether you want or not. For certainly there is no one in the world who doesn’t do or say something amiss. Anger, sickness, or planetary influences, wine, sorrow, or changing of disposition often causes one to do or speak amiss. One cannot be avenged for every wrong; according to the occasion, everyone who knows how, must use temperance. And therefore a wise man, in order to live in comfort, promises his lady forbearance, and she wisely gives her promise to him.”
Chaucer / The Franklin's Tale
Sara
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