Life (4)

So the other week this awesome job fell onto my plate.  It was just the type of job I wanted, and with the salary I wanted and the lady promised to be flexible.  I would do her bidding for a certain number of hours one day a week.
I went there with high hopes that this 4th employer would be nice and that my income would finally allow me the breathing room I wanted.

I walked in and the first sound I heard was the exact same music my parents liked.  Old, 80's CCM.  I knew many of the songs on that mixed tape by heart.  Her expansive wood floors and huge windows also reminded me of the Philippines and right around lunch time I saw a 'tiki' lizard outside her kitchen window.  She said it must have been meant to be, and after the work was done we sat around and talked almost as long as we had worked.  (Mrs. G. warned me outright about the dangers of blurring the lines between employee and friend)

She was very much like my parents as far as belief, etc.  Except that she was a rather well-to do and had a (now married) daughter who was spoiled rotten and a renegade 8th grader she had given up on (except to yell at him and complain to me about).

She was entirely kind and understanding, but I disliked going to her house because it felt like going back to my parents in a way.  In a strange way.  While there I can work and not think about the correlations, but when making a time and date to work and getting up in the morning to GO to her house, I found myself lagging and resenting myself for needing the job.

And then came this week.  Her schedule changed and she wanted me a couple days.  I mentioned needing to work for someone else but she shoved that aside and said that "she NEEDed me" and the other job was secondary.  She decided about the time I got there that she was going to have a yard sale this weekend and so I spent my three hours walking up and down the three and a half flights of steps from her attic to her basement and took out about 7 minutes to take a drink of water (I asked for it I was so thirsty) and some chips (she offered me).  Then, she wanted the yard sale advertized on craigslist.  I was told that I could "do it later today" when I "had time."  I was a bit confused by this, but I said that it should have her email address so that any questions could be answered by her or her husband.
So, I spent another 30ish minutes helping her draft out a suitable entry and posting it and creating an account.  She then paid me for 3 hours, claimed my whole morning tomorrow, and most of the day Saturday for her sale. (I let her know my schedule previously that I had Saturday off.  Dumb me.)

I drove home, stewing.  I was fore-warned about blurring the lines and suddenly I felt like she was my parents all over again taking advantage of me and making me work without pay and expecting instead of caring.
I am pretty mad still. I promised Mrs. G that I would give her one more month.  If I am still working for her come November I want someone to come and wipe my memory.  Or blow up the road to her house..... anything.  I do not want to be up tomorrow bright and early to do more fetch-and-carry only to be told "maybe you'll lose some weight."  And then to get paid for part of it?
I feel like I sold my soul somehow.  That it was all my fault for needing the money.  That I wasnt living within my means and that I was to blame.  I dont want what I ran away from.  I dont want it.  And I dont want to work for her any more.

The problem is: people without boundaries often are impossible to break away from.


Hey, at least I have gas in my tank and I am working overtime at the store.  I start Bookkeeper training Sunday and I have a couple days vacation I have been saving up.
I have people who love me that I am staying with and I know that they will make sure I will stay safe.  And that includes pressuring me to say "No" when it is good for me.
And I will make it.
I will live life as me.
I am who I am and I will serve God as me.