Anew

Happy New Year, all.
I totally wish you the best of upcoming years.

I was definitely glad to see the year go.
It was definitely filled with the most change, upheaval, growth, and pain of any year.  Although 2004 stands to be reckoned with, I think this year it lasted longer and seemed worse...
Especially the end of the year.


These past two or so weeks have been so emotionally draining that I am surprised I have come through as strong as I have.
I find myself not only working on myself but helping out others who need me.  I am learning how hard it is to be a friend.  I am learning bad words to call people whose guts I want to rip out. :P
I am still fighting some of the same, old battles of fear; and I am working hard to not be paralyzed by them.

I am still good at "canning" emotion and putting up a brave face and pretending nothing is wrong at work.  I actually worked every day this week (except today) and still lived.  I even smiled and laughed.
Today I have been going through facebook and doing my semi-annual "My Life Would Suck Without You" appreciation round for people who matter in my life and are making the difference in everything.  It makes me cry to remember where I was and how far I have come.  But in the "circular stairway" model of things in life, I have never come so far as it seems.

This year, life beings anew.

I have always hated making resolutions.  Usually putting them off until the last day in January and then making a list of a whole pile of things that could take years to accomplish.
This year my one resolution is to save a certain amount of money.  And I am not going to make any others.  And I am going to FORCE myself not to make any others.
Why money?
Well, I need a bit of savings, so it is a good idea.  And I can save small amounts, but I have a very bad record on self-control and I usually keep my resolve on any thing for a week... maybe two.
It is a big thing for me, and I know that if I can do this I will not only have done it, but I will have a very pretty nest egg that I can count on in the future. *minus inflation, etc, etc... >/
I am going to force myself not to make any others because the tendency of blaming myself for things and, of course, trying to fix myself so that everyone else's problems will go away.  This year is going to be a no-pressure year.
I am who I am and I will serve God as me.
Begin anew.