Halloween

I decided this year that Haloween is my favoritest holiday.
Our family never celebrated 'holy-days' and in fact we were taught to shun them and feel superior to those who did celebrate.

And in less than two years I have gone to the dark side (literally - but more on that later) and not only celebrate them, but enjoy them and participate fully.
Last year, I was very moved by this post by The Cult Next Door.  I sat upstairs in my bedroom and wrote in my diary and watched the day fade as neighbors gathered together at the one house by a firepit and enjoyed each other while children delighted in being children, and in being creative, and in being admired, and encouraged by parents and adults, and filled with sugar-energy and delight at receiving something all children crave.
And I cried.

This year I dressed up.
In fact, I dressed up in 3 different costumes throughout the week leading up to Halloween and a special one for the day.  I had to work at 7 am, so I got up at 6 and worked carefully on my makeup.
It was fun being able to dress up (my favorite hobby as a child), and put on makeup and to have people smile when they see you and appreciate the work you put into makeup, costume, accessories and the overall effect.  And then the people who scrunch up their eyes and try to guess.  And the children that look at you and get scared and the kids who look at you and smile because they are thinking about what they will be wearing that afternoon.

I was just talking with my sister about my costume tonight.

 hehe

  I really enjoyed that  I am afraid I might do it again on a not holoween day sister: hehehei don't think it's your natural personalityit is a mask, a dark one cause that's how you're feelingso wear it til you don't feel that way anymoreme: I can wear it and forget what I am feelingsister: just be careful

I really did enjoy the mask yesterday. Because in a strange twist I forgot I had it on and smiled and was singing to myself. But outside I looked like I feel inside some days. Bloody, and dark, and scarred, with old tear stains down my cheeks.

Maybe, just maybe, someday.....
What if I wore my inside on my outside?
Maybe I could wash out my inside with grace and then take off the outside and just be a nice inside?

I mean, isnt that the whole idea behind being 'goth'?
'Wearing your heart on your sleeve' per se?