To him who knows to do good...

Last time I talked with my mother it ended with me basically shouting at her for over 5 minutes.

I dont talk/communicate/email/text her much.  But she has my Birth Certificate and Passport (expired a bit ago, but I would still like to get it) which I asked for when I was in her area back in July.  She looked at me (shocked) and said something about how it was her property, but she supposed I could have a copy.

I had been pestering her since July to send me the promised copies (and I have had tabs up on my Moz since then on getting a passport renewal and the necessary steps to getting a copy of a Consular Report of Birth Abroad since then as well) and she has been giving me empty promises since July.
Nothing new in that behavior, though.  For shame.

Then, one of the times I reminded her (sometime in the middle of September, I believe), she manipulated a phone call out of it.  I knew it was manipulation, but I hoped for a bit of reconciliation, and perhaps a semblance of a relationship?  Yeah, way high hopes.  Isnt it almost foolish how we keep hoping against all logic and past experience?

Anyway, the conversation started out pretty safe, talking about things and people and I was even honest with her when the conversation switched to me and my current life choices and some of the changes Ive been making recently...
Then, she asked me what I had done that day (my day off). I told her the truth.  I had spent most of it at the Community College.  I had been over my Application for Dependency Override again with a FAFSA counselor (which made me upset and cry, because he told me that since I could at any moment call my parents we were not estranged and I was not eligible) and turned down.  I had taken an "Accuplacement Test" and done rather well (according to the Proctor, who should know, I guess).  I had gotten in with an Advisor who looked over my scores, signed me up for an Associates in Business, and who wrote down a handful of classes for me to try my first semester.  Then, I got my residency proven, so I can get the In-State Tuition rate.

I asked her for my Highschool Transcripts (which in the past she has sworn she can produce and would be willing to give out copies of), and one last time asked her to allow me to access the information I would need for a FAFSA.
She asked me: "Well, do you WANT to be my daughter?"
I got angry and began a tirade.  She was completely silent the entire time.  I told her that I was her daughter no matter what happened because I could never get away.  I told her that SHE needed to act like a real MOTHER as well,  I told her that I was an adult and that adult daughters did not (in the real world) lay around the house sucking off their parents teat.  I also told her that to pretend that I would be allowed to go to college were I living at home was laughable and ridiculous.
I told her she was living in a fantasy world, rules by some outdated old book and made-up rules.  I told her that they (she and her husband) were reading the book wrong, and that they loved their book and the rules more than they loved their children.  I told her all their good works for keeping these rules were pointless.  I told her that if she really wanted to live by the book's rules, here was one: "To him who knows to do good, and does it not, to him it is sin."
I told her that she and my father were living in sin because they had the power to do unlimited good.  They could do SO much good, but they refused, and therefore all their works and rule-keeping and book-reading were going to backfire.  I told her that by refusing to send me an email with a handful of numbers they were sinning.  They didnt have to send me any money, they didnt have to support me currently (either financially or supporting my 'lifestyle' and/or life choices) and they didnt have to expend any energy or resources.  They make so little and have so many kids that I would probably get a free ride anyway.

I ranted for quite some time.  Then, I told her that I was angry and that I should probably stop because I did not see the conversation getting any better.  I told her I wasnt sure if she was still there because I hadnt heard a sound since I started ranting, but I hoped the rest of her night was better than the phone call, and I was going to hang up now.

And then I hung up.

She texted me a couple minutes later saying that she was listening and hadnt wanted to say anything that would be seen as 'judging' me.
I never replied.