Immediate judgements are my specialty. With my ready, sarcastic, wit I can easily hurt someone and I am very good at making spot-judgements as to the person's spirituality, modestly, humility, attitude, etc.
Just call a spade a spade: pride and superiority is the base attitudes behind all this. (and I think the base of the reason why some people attack others who seem to be a harm to their teachings/enterprise)
I know better, I AM better, I have the answer, I know why you are struggling so much with this.
My first step to overcoming this shameful habit, was to work on my "Black and White" vision.
Something is either black or white. Good or bad. Godly or sinful. God's or Satan's.
There is no alternative. No other options. My mother used to say many times "...there are only two powers in this world. God and Satan. If it is not 'of God' then what is it....?"
And this way of thinking is also just the easiest way of living life. Whenever anything comes up (if it has not already been decided by the system) that has not been placed into one of the two categories it is immediately (and hastily) scrutinized and then padlocked into one of them.
Legalism is the lazy man’s faith. It takes the beauty and serenity of God’s rest and reduces it to something we’re more comfortable with—an easy list of rules to keep.You never have to think about that thing. You never have to puzzle your mind about whether it's idiosyncrasies might make it belong to another category, because there is no other category.
Why do you think these groups/churches break apart so easily?
Why do the list of "acceptable" and "unacceptable" vary so drastically within these family-cults?
(ie. disney movies vs. no-disney movies vs. no movies, TV, or anything; skirts only vs. culottes acceptable; long hair vs. hair always up vs. hair-covering vs. braids vs. curls; makeup vs. no paint)
(ps. these are only some of the "debates" I have personally overheard/been in in conservative circles. This one family who thought "courtship" was too liberal had an extensive collection of disney movies. This other family who had nothing really against carefully planned dating would not enter the other family's house because of the disney movies, and they were upset that their daughter [age 5] pointed to the brightly colored cassette cases and asked what they were [CONTAMINATION!!!!])
"Like minded" is more than just a system of worldview when your worldview is so highly specialized.
Each box of "dark" and "light" must contain the same items. An overlap can lead to an outbreak of debate, disharmony, difficulties in families being together and [heaven forbid] questions from the children.
Imagine how hard it is for a child who has loved disney movies her whole life to suddenly have her new friend telling her they are evil. In Satan's box.
Imagine now a young man meeting the teenaged son of another family and hearing the other boy talk about his dating experience.
It is generally termed "cognitive dissonance" and it seriously screws with a child's ability to place things in boxes and KEEP them there.
Yet it (putting things in boxes) must be done. There are no other options.
Two boxes vs. everything in "the world."
Back to my story: My first step was to try to break out of the "two sizes must fit all" mentality.
Is sex before marriage going to send you to hell?
How about just "emotional impurity?"
What happens if you leave your parents without their permission?
Are all gay people really God-haters?
Is birth control really intentional child-killing?
Aren't all feminists man-haters?
Buying something for yourself is gluttony/selfishness.
Any and all of the above were things I personally had to think over. Boxes that had to be hacked open with the sword of division, and re-evaluated.
And there have to be more categories. Because not everything is black OR white. Some things can be either/or. Some things have nothing to do with sin or not sin.
(Personal example: Jeans. My sister was talking to me on the phone one day after she left, telling me how versatile and easy jeans were to wear/match/go out in/work in. She told me her amazing discovery. Wearing jeans was not a SIN. In fact, it had nothing to do with morality at all. It was a PIECE OF CLOTHING. It was not black. It was not white. It was not a color at all. It did not need a box.
It blew my mind like it blew hers)
[ps. yes, my father firmly believed and taught and debated the fact that jeans were symbols of the '60s era rebellion. That people wore them as rebellion and to go against the culture and that wearing jeans was only going back to that and everyone who wore them was a rebel. If one had hard labor to perform, like feeding the pigs, or painting, or doing handyman work (he had a pair of them) then jeans were acceptable. Not preferred, and not OK, merely acceptable]
It is hard work. It is disturbing to find out the level of hate and prejudice that I have for people who have not harmed me or done anything other than claim a label. I have not even met some people in these evil groups (well, I guess I have met most of them now, but I hadn't for a while) and I have condemned them all to hell-fire. Just for something they have decided is right in their own lives.
So the guy training me may be gay. Is he any less-qualified to train me? Am I too good to be trained by him? Does it affect our work-related job?
So, my fellow casheir-girl is 17 and on birth control. Do I shun her lifestyle, choices, and life-goals? Do I preach abstinence at her every time we work together?
The distaste in my mouth is a good feeling. I do not want to be a proud, arrogant holier-than-thou snob. I was for too many years. It never got me anywhere, and in fact it alienated people I might have become good friends with.....
(next part I will discuss more of the pride/superiority aspect)
2 comments:
oh yeah. :P I'm in the middle of that too.
Your posts always bring me to tears, but *good* years, mind you. ;) This one moved me because it touches on areas in my own heart that I need to be careful about.
In my circle of relatives, friends and church acquaintances, I've seen both conservative and liberal believers struggle with their own versions of judgmentalism, pride and superiority. For instance, I can't believe some of the ridicule I hurled at the secular world when I was a young adult. But later, when I joined a charismatic church, I tended to make more harsh judgements about conservative Christians. But now, after seeing how judgemental and anti-theology some charismatic believers can be, I find I have to guard my heart against making harsh judgements about charismatic people too. Feels like a never-ending cycle sometimes.
And I'm still in the middle of figuring out how God wants me to handle all these things in my friendships with unbelievers and with believers from different backgrounds. Humility is a start, but knowing how or whether to talk about our differences is still a conundrum. But like you say, I don't want to be proud, arrogant, or holier-than-thou. Your blog post is wonderful, and has given me another reminder about the kind of heart-attitude I need to have every day toward everybody I know. Thank you! :)
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