Life (2)

Ok, so I am on an out as far as creativity is concerned.
I dont know if it is the weather, or temperature, or stuff happening, or staying up too late at night, or what, but Ive been having pretty severe mood swings this week.

~From happy/excited to crying/depressed and back and inbetween.

The girls at work have been telling me how quiet and serious I have been lately and I have had to wonder myself.  Most times I feel "normal" (well, like how I always do inside) but I just have nothing to say.
That is how phone conversations have been to.  I sit quiet and let the other person talk, which has been an exercise as well as a general lack of ideas on my part of topics to discuss.


I *did* talk to the girl-who-was-taking-charge and she said I would have to talk with the Store Manager.
At first he was really curt with me (he has been looking upset all week, people talking with him all the time, stuff like that).  I did not want to talk with him while someone else was arguing with him about some aspect of the store, and I didnt want to disturb him if he was doing anything serious.  So, I dont know what was different about Monday, but something inside told me to ask him TODAY. 
I found the courage in the afternoon as he was leaving front end.  "____, I have a break around 4.  Could I talk to you then?"
He looked at me askance, and then nodded and walked off.


Then, as I got my lunch (soup. it was SOOOO cold!!) he came to the cafe and sat down with me.  I was suddenly scared to death, and I realized that I had not rehearsed anything to say, or figured out how to approach the subject.  I think he realized how hesitant I was and he got nicer and more gentle.  He said that I would have to "prove myself" to the new CSM and after a week or two I should ask them.

All things considered it went pretty well.  But I know I have to be really ready before I "talk to people in authority" because I have this excessive fear about getting yelled at or brushed off by them.
When talking about it later I burst into tears.
Just talking about it.  Even now writing about it I am getting upset inside.  All tight and my throat is burning.


On to other issues: I am learning how to budget and plan out getting a paycheck and bleeding it out to last two weeks.  Repairing my car, buying myself food when I want something different from what they have at the house (rice :D), christmas presents, gas.... things like that that keep life interesting and teach me how to make it.
*que "I Made It" by the Cash Money Heroes.....