Worth It?

Maybe it is a female trait, or a trait of a self-absorbed person, but my background makes it a lot more pronounced I think.

We fault and blame ourselves.

I remember a conversation with on dear QD who said that she "made up" for the lack of negative criticism from parents/authorities by turning on herself.  We discussed how it affected us and our level of self-confidence.
All the time, there is something wrong.  There are imperfections in life.  In the "perfect family" there is no excuse, and blame-shifting lands most/all of the guilt square on the shoulders of the oldest child involved.  "You should have known better" "You need to think ahead"  "You were not acting maturely" "You need to take that to God"  "You are...."  "You are not..."
So many myriad of things are (or are made to be) your fault that you assume upon yourself the mentality of "if something is wrong it must be me."
"If anything messes up it was probably an error on my part"

Unconsciously (and probably unintentionally) we begin to degrade ourselves and when people care, or when it is not our fault, or when someone says something like:


"You are worth the effort"


it turns your whole world upside down.  They must be talking about someone else!  *look over shoulder to see if anyone is behind me.  The idea that I matter, as me, is pretty ludicrous.  The idea that I matter to other people as more than a worker, or helper, even when they don't benefit from me is preposterous. 
Sometimes, it hurts.  My heart does this little pitter-patter like it wants to believe.  Hope against all common sense and reasoning (ie. everything I have ever learned/known to be true).  Tears come to my eyes as I ponder the paths before me.  Before my "common sense and logical reasoning" crushes the hope, can I believe?  Can I allow myself to trust myself?  Can I accept their words?