WARNING: This May Trigger You.
This amazing post about PTSD is very long and has a lot of "meat" in it. I found myself agreeing (sadly, almost) to all of it. Some poignant quotes below, some things I have felt but have not had the words to express.
She is a fellow survivor with the voice that I do not have.
I don’t want people to see me or hear me this way and I don’t want to
have to fake that this is not how I’m feeling. (I can fake it pretty
good, by the way, it’s just exhausting to do so.) How would I explain
“I’m having a bad day because of the ghosts of the past?”
I have a problem with “auto-insubordination,” while it’s happening, in
that I just don’t listen to my own self telling me what to do. I give
myself responsible directions and I don’t take them. I don’t take care
of myself when I feel like this. (I figure this part of the emotional
flashback might be about somehow “recreating” the conditions I lived in
as a kid) If I can, I stay home in pajamas, don’t brush my teeth, don’t
make myself breakfast or lunch. If I can’t, I go where I have to go. I
watch the clock. I waste the day. I can’t concentrate on tasks. I
accomplish little. I don’t feel hungry. I just get a headache from not
eating and then go eat something with carbs or dairy in it, preferably
both.
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