I am having Bi-Polar fears again.
I was having the best month all of June. Well, for the most part at least.
I felt really settled in to my new position at work and things were smooth and nearly effortless.
I found two awesome friends who invited me out to go bowling and watch movies and just hang out at the mall or at a park. It felt like I belonged and that there was something to look forward to.
Also, the summer finally set in with days reaching for triple digits and sometimes even hitting them.
I LOVE love love the heat and it made me feel energized and alive.
You couldnt wipe that smile off my face.
And then it happened. I was just too happy for it to last.
And I hit the low low last night. It was a bad time.
And today I just feel empty. Nothing matters and I dont care.
A lady tipped me $5 for washing out some jars for her and for having memorized her order and always making it the way she liked. A friend stayed up late last night texting me for an hour and a half at 1am just being there for me. It was a lot cooler, but still warm enough to be nice out. It is almost my birthday and I have always loved my birthday.
I am tired and depressed and I really dont give a fuck.
I feel listless and dead.
My shadow heart is the only thing thats beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone.
1 comment:
don't be so upset. you'll bounce back: you always have in the past, and i always did. and you know we're soooo alike. :P
"I was just too happy for it to last."
i totally empathize with that, though. the times i get most upset with Adam are when we've had a great day together, or been out with awesome friends... and then i fall apart that night, or the next morning. i'm trying to really think through why and learn to pre-emptively solve it.
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