To Parent

A lot of my friends are either pregnant and having a first child, or pregnant again, or just had a child.
It is an interesting phase and I am learning a lot from their reflections and comments and journey.
My biggest hope is that they can guinea-pig things and I can have a handle on that whole 'parenting' thing if I ever get that far in life. 

Because you see: I have no idea how a parent should act.

I reflected the other day that my 'baby' was turning 11 in 5 months.  From the first couple hours that she was born I held her.  All the trip to the big hospital in the city, with the ambulance breaking down part way and the crowd gathering to stare at the sick white woman and her baby.  Keeping her head covered and taking care of her when mother was recovering from the D&C and the long years of nights of rocking her to sleep to my favorite songs after mother had nursed her....
And then my baby boy.  He turned 8 a couple months ago.  Again, I cared for him for what seemed like every waking moment.  When he was a year old I wrote something in my diary about how wrong mother was for taking him from me because he was more mine than hers.
I know how to care for children.  In fact, I would dare claim to be an expert. 

But I haven't the foggiest on how to Parent.

The other night at the store a parent angrily ripped a piece of fruit-leather out of their child's hand and told them that they weren't getting any 'more' treats that evening.  The cashier I was bagging for saw my discomfort and said it was late at night (almost 9pm) and the parent was probably tired and over-stressed.
I looked at her and said the strangest thing I ever heard myself say:
"They are the adult.  A child at 9pm may be excused for wanting another treat or piece of candy.  They are a child and dont know better and cannot necessarily control themselves and dont know that sugar at that hour is bad for them, etc.
HOWEVER, the parent has no excuse.  They are an adult.  9pm or not, one should not snatch, be rude, or nasty just because they are fed up and tired."
The truth is that I never thought about it that way until the words came out of my mouth.  I was raised thinking that my behavior affected my parents and made all the difference.  It was a real struggle for me to realize (at 19 something) that my mother's snappiness and irritability were not something I was causing or could necessarily cure.  It was NOT MY FAULT.
And it was NOT the fault of the child in the store.

Permission to Live makes a great case for not spanking.
and my dear friend Anne writes about her thoughts on how she wants to raise her daughter.

I have said before that I dont think anyone should be a parent.  What I meant by that was that if parenting includes all the mistakes and hurts and fear and misunderstanding that I have seen from my parents, from the parents of friends, and from stories: why not just do away with the family system altogether?
Is it really worth the hurt and damage and results?
Do I really want a child if I am going to ruin them?
Why would an all-knowing God allow children to be broken and wounded like that?
Is there any way to avoid this?
Do I want to take the chance?

ahhh, once I again I leave with more questions than answers.