Troll God vs. ?

Right on the heels of reading a link that my sister sent me about the personality/character of God as opposed to what the common perception of Him is; I got into this comment-discussion on a person-I-know's facebook:

(My comments are #2, 4, and 5.  Someone else is comment #3.  The original author wrote the first comment and the end responses.)
(If you click on the picture you can zoom in on it and read better)
The people my dad (in his own loving way) called "pew warmers" would probably benefit from these thoughts and reminder.
 For me, it was like a flashback to all the terror of my childhood.
I was being over-reactive, but for so much of my life I DID see god as just that: a troll, a control-freak, a selfish self-seeker.
He takes stuff away, just because I like it.
He doesnt want me to be happy or to enjoy things.
I would hide my love and delight because I thought that maybe if God saw he would take it away from me, or kill it, like he killed my bunny when I was young. (the rabbit died from other causes, but I loved that thing like I had loved nothing else).
Whenever something good happened in my life I would fear to enjoy and live it to the fullest because I was possibly elevating it above God.  And then where would I be?  Back in the grey-colored world of serving Him first and putting aside everything else I might possibly like so that He wouldnt re-call it.

At this point, I cant say for sure what I have decided 'god' is or isnt.  I dont know much about him for sure from the tangle of "what-ive-been-taught" that chokes out the sunlight.
The problem with teaching your children that everything you (their parent) believes is correct, is that when one of your beliefs begins to shake, everything comes crashing down.

I was NOT allowed to question my father's theology.  He had gone to a prestigious college and had a pastor's degree and a doctorate.  He had preached and saved souls on the mission field for 18 years.
When I was (extra-biblically, which does NOT happen, mind you) 'spoken' to by God, my father spent a couple days debating me into silence on the issue.
When a friend I email-debated with for a year or so finally brought me around to a balanced view of Sovereignty vs. Free Will my father cut me off from communicating.  (he said I wasnt allowed to email boys because I would give my heart away/fall in love/taint my purity or something like that)
When I dared to look him in the eye and postulate that God would speak to me if He had any special plans for my life and NOT through daddy; my father told me I would need to find a different place to live.


But through this year, I have had faithful friends who have not preached at me or forced me to believe or attend or toe the line.  The have encouraged me to believe that God wants me to be happy. And that he gives us good things, and takes his people to a land flowing with milk and honey so that they can delight in it and WITH him.

The frugal, do things the old way, puritanical "suffer to prove your faith and dedication" is much to engrained in me.  I was told by many (including a grandmother and brother) that I was running away from trials at home and by leaving I was saying that God's strength wasnt enough for me, or that I didnt have enough faith to endure these little trials.  I mean, after all, what is grounding and removal of all communication with the outside world compared to being burned at the stake or torn apart by lions?

I still struggle to believe that God would want me to be happy.  To enjoy life.
To have people who love me in my life.  I fear always that they will leave or be taken away.
I hide my true feelings hoping that the heavenly troll wont see and brutally destroy.
I want to understand God like Mrs. G does.  She came up to me last night, her face glowing, talking about her God who loved her.
Why does this hurt so much?  Make me cry?