My mom saw a poster for it on the homeschool group's website. It was being promoted a lot since it was the first year that they gained access to our State. I think I was the ONLY student there who wanted to attend. Amid all the testimonies of hating the fancy (and modest) clothes, hating civics, and it being a struggle to not listen to music or watch television all week, I wondered what was wrong with all these other homeschoolers.
Yes, I had a lot of pride, but I was
raised thinking that homeschooling was better than public school and
it was unfortunate that public schoolers could not get a 4 day
crash-course of in-depth politics training on a state level. I
reveled in the homework and the required modest clothing and I had no
problem with the rule about media because my media consumption was
already incredibly minuscule. The rules about guy-girl interactions
was not a problem because of how strict my father was, and all of the
guys there were younger than me and not that appealing.
I also had a family background in
politics (2008 was an election year and my grandparents and older
sister were so caught up in the whirlwind that my leaving for so many
days was a big deal around the house) which made me the student who
knew it all.
And that was a problem. My whole
TeenPact experience I was either patronized by staffers and
administrators, or I was the problem that they had to deal with and
work around.
One of the staffers inserted a rabbit
trail push for John McCain votes/support (we were all too young to
vote anyway) and I piped up (in the middle of class) about his
immigration bill and his history of non-conservatism. That got me an
extremely dirty look from all staffers and I was ignored every time I
raised my hand after that...except when no one else knew the answer.
(I was down for a couple in-kind contributions to a campaign, so I
knew what they were. None of the other students did.)
I definitely stood out in the class
as the only student to ask the Aide to the First Lady (She was also a
high-level judge) what (the Judge/First Lady's) stand was on abortion and how she would
deal with cases to repeal Roe v. Wade. (I was also very ignorant
about how the real world worked. I spouted what I was taught with
passion and sincerity.) I was the only one who knew what an “ex-post
facto” law was and my team won the Constitution Game because of my
knowledge of the Constitution. (Literally, a staffer had to help the
other two branches because Congress blew them out of the water.)
(Both years!)
I was completely gung-ho about
TeenPact after my experience. I was effusive in my praise and I
thought it was the best thing I had ever experienced and I wanted to
attend ALL their other offerings.
Unfortunately, TeenPact is a rich,
middle class thing. You pay your own way for everything. And
“everything” is not cheap. You get an experience, the
opportunity to meet friends, meals, and a T-Shirt. Often the events
are far away and even staffers have to pay their own transportation.
Housing is an extra cost on top of the $200-$300 event. (Unless it it
its own event, like Endeavor or National Convention, which raised the
price tag to $400 or more.)
The first year I was in TeenPact I
won a scholarship to go to National Convention and found a
last-minute ride from Maryland. It was a 750-1000 word essay on
“What
Does it Mean to Be a Conservative.” Reading over it now it is a
huge mess of right-wing idealism, including a rant about government
distribution of wealth. Back then, I was so excited that I could hardly contain
myself.
I
spent the week in a mix of pride, boredom, and frustrated anger.
There was an obvious problem with popularity. The kids who had
staffed multiple places had a huge edge over people who had staffed
only their home state or not staffed at all. Their actual
personalities were often sickening, but they still received the most
votes and applause (or the elections were rigged in their favor). While there is a lot of discipleship and depth
in the core groups, a lot of the event was fluffy and I was bored by
the big speeches, only broken by the funny skits and attempts at
making me play “The Game” (you just lost). Huge promotion of the
Ultimate Frisbee tournaments annoyed me, as I was never that in to
sports, and all attempts I made at throwing Frisbees resulted in
everyone laughing and pointing. I would spend the afternoon
wandering the camp looking for people in my group who might not be
already with their cliques and might want to do something with me
than gawk at Adam whats-his-name in a pink shirt playing with "The
Bojangles."
Because
it was the first year that my state had ever had a TeenPact class, I
was the only one from my state in attendance. I made a laughable
attempt at running for Congress (and was one of the few late entries
who actually paid my $10, to my knowledge). My contribution to much talked about and poorly attended silent
auction was a necklace set that I hand-made. It was made fun of for
not having a more political or state relevance. (I think, I hid and
refused to tell them that I made it)
The
only other person I found who was really a “kindred spirit” was a
guy, and as I was not “allowed” to crush on him or spend any time
with him without someone else there (I didn’t know anyone except
staffers, and I followed the rules that I saw many of the “regulars”
breaking) we never really got to know each other very well.
Interestingly enough, he is the only one of any of them that I still
keep in Facebook contact. And, through him I got to know a couple who
are now some of my good friends.
I
aced the alumni class, again proving to have put the most into the
assignments and again leading my branch to victory in the
Constitution Search. (When teams were picked everyone asked to
switch to my team.) I made an effort to work my hardest and to not
cause any issues. I was trying to prove myself as a competent person
who was a good candidate to staff her own state. I was also at the
upper age limit and I knew that this would be my last class.
I
wanted to attend Endeavor that year, but I was not able to make
enough money and instead looked at the perfectly lit pictures of the
other girls having a High Tea and shooting guns in a field thinking
about how nice it would be to be able to have that kind of an
experience. But their middle class families could afford the airfare
or gas, the dresses, the makeup, the scones and high teas, and the
price of the event. My father made about $40,000 a year for a family of
11.
The
last year I spent in my home state I applied again to be a staffer
and I was turned down again. One of my fellow classmates was
accepted, though, as he had gone to National Convention and Survival.
He also said that one of that year's staffers had pushed really hard
for him. It figures, the staffer I had interrupted my first class was now an Intern
(albeit he never came back to my state).
Now,
over 5 years later, I look back on it all with a sigh and a shake of
my head. I was young and passionate. I had a lot to give and they
turned it down. But in the end, I was the one better off for it. I
left that state and have since been able to mediate my passion with
real knowledge of the world and the incredible amount of variety and
complexity in it. I no longer have “pat” answers to everything
and I think I am all the better for it. I also refuse to accept
their misogynistic belittling of women. I believe I have the right
to wear a pair of dress pants instead of being relegated to a skirt.
I think that I have just as much ability and knowledge as any male,
as they refused to allow women to be an Intern for more than one
year. Men could do it for two years and then if they excelled, they
could go on to be a program director and have their own gavel made
for them. I acknowledge that I could definitely be a Mayor or a
President, which position they never elected a woman into. It was an
interesting coincidence, if it really WAS a coincidence.
I
have saved only my first state class t-shirt with all the names on
it. The names are mostly faded and can hardly be seen. I have
de-friended most of the Interns (or been de-friended) and have since
hidden most of my TeenPact pictures and videos. It is a chapter in
my life that I do not regret, but do not like to announce. I prefer
that no one remember me or pick me out as one of them. I regret
being so conservative and blind. I do not regret getting away and
changing.
And I hope that people who read this think twice about endorsing a misogynistic group that exists for the wealthy middle class republicans to indoctrinate their children. They also get together groups of students to do grunt work for HSLDA. Read about that scandalous mess here.
And I hope that people who read this think twice about endorsing a misogynistic group that exists for the wealthy middle class republicans to indoctrinate their children. They also get together groups of students to do grunt work for HSLDA. Read about that scandalous mess here.
5 comments:
I go by "Young Lady" :)
I am so sorry that you felt so ostracized. I completely understand. Or rather not "completely" because I have not lived your life, but I was not allowed to staff either, and although I did make friends I usually felt "out of the loop". I dedicated many years of my life to TP, and while I don't regret that time I do have regrets ABOUT that time.
Addendum :) - From the time I posted yesterday until a few minutes ago I read/skimmed your whole blog from it's start 'til now. :) You're a very good writer! :) - Young Lady
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I write the way I think, which is why its often disjointed and mis-spelled. :P
But I do try to say something that will help people think and/or change.
first, I want to say you are a good writer!!! I also want to say I am a teen actor and have been for a long time and have learned every state class is so different and I'm sorry it seems like you felt as though people judged your opinion. but I can see it from other standpoints. I mean think about you asking about abortion in what is supposed to be a fun time and you asked a very serious question. I would have asked that later maybe pulling them to the side if possible. just my opinion I mean teen part is part of the reason I am who I am today. it is also one of the reasons I'm alive today. without some of my friends i have met i wouldn't be here today. i hope none of this sounded rude just thought another perspective may help.
I'm fairly new to TeenPact (my son attended last year and I chaperoned this year). I just thought I'd poke around the internet to learn more about people's experiences.
Thank you for your reflections. I'm sorry to hear of your negative experiences. I wonder if that is regional to some degree. I say that because I didn't pick up on any misogyny. Certainly some were participants were conservative. As I got to know the staffers a bit I found them to be well-trained, courteous, and generally mature beyond what I would have expected given their young ages. I know two of the girls well enough to know that they are from families of modest means and I didn't perceive the group to be particularly preppy (the boys were helping each other figure out how to tie ties, tipping each other off on how to get cheap suits -- Walmart and the thrift store came up -- and sharing shoes and duct tape to fix things). I had a nice conversation with a leading staffer who was interested in my quirky political views rather than threatened or dismissive (I'm a dual citizen). While the group exhibited some of the silliness and cliquey-ness typical of their age, they struck me as an emotionally and physically heathy group of kids (esp. when I compare to my son's public school friends) who seemed to get a lot out of the week.
Personally, I went in a little worried about jingoism and proof-texting so I tried to arm my son accordingly. He was overprepared for any challenges of that sort. I try to strike a balance between helping him appreciate his country, its institutions, and high points of its history with enough realism to critique them all. He made some friends, strengthened some other friendships, learned some things, accepted some challenges, grew up a little bit, and came home with renewed interest in being a better person. He wants to go back. I got my money and time's worth.
Post a Comment