How many fathers/patriarchs/leaders are there out there who pray?
I guess that is a slightly rhetorical question. All of them pray! Religion is the framework for their lifestyle and they are "The Head." They stand before God responsible for the lives, sins, and intercession for their families.
Have you ever wondered, though, if God hears them?
Seriously.
Maybe their prayers bounce off the ceiling and come back echoing on their deaf ears and pompous hearts. Maybe God sighs, and shakes His head, and wishes He could do something, but refuses to go against the rules He set in place. He cannot come down blazing and shining and smack sense into them, can He? He has other people, outside influences, words from people, speeches on the radio.... anything to reach the cold hearts of those who control and abuse and manipulate and indoctrinate as they see fit.
Why am I saying all this?
I remember once, taking notes on an interesting Bible passage:
Husbands, likewise... giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel... that your prayers may not be hindered.
Basically, when a man does not honor his ezer; when he lords his authority over her; when he does not dwell in love; when he does not take time and effort to understand her-- his prayers are hindered.
All his words, supplications, desires, and showy phrases merely hit the ceiling and bounce back.
I wonder if this applies to children as well.
Why does scripture not have any specific father-child or mother-child commands like it does for husband-wife or wife-husband.
When a father does not listen to, dwell with in understanding, and care for his children as weaker vessels, as precious souls to be guarded and shepherded-- are his prayers also hindered?
Or when parents of adult children stifle their gifts, impose their worldview, standards, and restrictions on them, and punish their mind and soul when they disobey? Does that count?
I mean why not! It is the job of the parent to give their children the necessary skills to live an abundant life for God's glory?
Tell me what you think.
November 17, 2010
November 15, 2010
Cashier Conversation 1.4
Concerning Donations:
So you would not believe the excuses people give to not give $1 to a donation program for thanksgiving turkeys.
"I already give through work..."
"Where the money goes is not clear..." (I then explained it to her, but she still refused to give)
"I don't know where I'm giving yet this year, but.... I'll think about it!"
"I already donate through my church..."
"I gave a dollar last week!"
"I have to go..." (while still sitting there swiping their card)
"I'll do it next time"
And of course, my favorite: "I'll have to ask my husband!"
So you would not believe the excuses people give to not give $1 to a donation program for thanksgiving turkeys.
"I already give through work..."
"Where the money goes is not clear..." (I then explained it to her, but she still refused to give)
"I don't know where I'm giving yet this year, but.... I'll think about it!"
"I already donate through my church..."
"I gave a dollar last week!"
"I have to go..." (while still sitting there swiping their card)
"I'll do it next time"
And of course, my favorite: "I'll have to ask my husband!"
November 5, 2010
My response to "Steadfast Daughters"
When I said something online about my reaction to Stacy McDonald's new endeavor to attack Hillary McFarland's book, one of my friends reacted strongly and said: (in part)
I responded:
I am not too holy to admit that I want people to hurt and suffer!
It may be a wrong wish, but I know that even God hates it when children are taken and enslaved and traded like chattel.
I can wish that every single modern-day slave owner got an instantly fatal heart-attack. It may not exactly be fair and pretty to think about, but it is without question a logical emotional response on the part of a human who loves justice and wishes for all things in the world to be fair and good.
I am angered by what she says, and how she carried out what she did, and the general slimy nature of her and her kind. I am angry because almost literally I can hear my father using the same language, and way of speaking, and better-than-thou-Christianisms, and I know what bondage her words will be to young women (specifically those who read her stuff). I am angry that she would underhandedly pit one sister against another and then PUBLISH such material. I am angry that she then calls herself a chrisitan and claims to be the "biblical" way. I think she should be ashamed, and I am aghast by her fierce agenda to bring down such a grace-filled and healing book like Hillary's. I am angry because she is upholding abusers. I am angry because her response to me was to tell me that I was wrong and lying and that everything I know is actually just a simple sin problem. I am angry because she claims that God's way is this way and I know that it is actually a way that leads to death. (my sister and I both fought with suicide) It is pretentious at best and downright evil and nasty at worse. And that makes me very angry.
I am angry at myself for reading her books. I am angry at myself for following her writings and that of similar ladies like Jennie Chancey and others. I am angry that they still have the power to use words to bring me in. I am angry that I almost want to agree with her. I am angry that I am not free from the effects of brainwashing yet. I am angry that I can't understand a God of love and grace and unending forgiveness because of the way I was taught. I am angry that I live by works because of the model I was presented. I am angry that I wasted years and years in all this. I am angry that just when I finally found someone who loves and cares deeply for me and for girls like me, who has gone through so many of the same things, who wrote a book that inspired me to live and keep living, that a woman like Stacy would find it her calling to smear it in all manner of ways. That she would make a WHOLE WEBSITE dedicated to shooting it down.
I am angry, hurt, upset, and a general basket case right now.
Then, after I sent her that response, I though of a deeper reason.
Just the other night I watched a video by a Christian band that broke my heart. God whispered to me that He loved me. I fought. I cried. I was shaking all over and I told Him that if He knew what was good for Him he would leave me alone and go find better people to give grace and help to. I curled up in fetal position in a corner and sobbed. But when I looked around He was still there. He sat beside me, and when I pushed Him away He held on to me.And then He held me while I cried. He didn't say anything else, just stayed there and refused to leave.
I have "known" all my life that I was not a good person. That I am a broken, wreak of a could-have-been that is not worth saving. I don't think anyone necessarily told me that, but it was one of the most important life lessons I learned nonetheless. Instinctively, I push people away when they get too close. And it is for their own good. In the back of my mind there is a knowledge that I will abandon everyone. That no matter what words are coming out of their mouths, no matter what they have done for me in the past, no matter how strongly secure I might feel in that moment, that it will come. That I will do something so terrible and so hurtful that no one will ever want me ever again. So why let anyone near now? I will only break their hearts later. I will be a disappointment, disgrace, and shame.
So leave me alone.
Be better off and happy without me.
Please!
Things like that music video are like hammers, beating on the sides the iron box around my heart. Or things like Hillary's book are a welding torch slowly tearing apart the seams of my prison.
For Stacy McDonald to dedicate a whole blog to keeping this away makes me very angry. Yes.
Like refusing to stop the bleeding of a dangerous wound. Like blocking up the exits to a burning building. Like adding insult to injury.
...as believers, however, God has called us to a higher plane. We are to take every thought captive. We are to do good to all men, especially those of the household of faith. Whether you agree with the author or not, you are to do good to her.
I guess my question to you is what is the root cause of your anger? Anger merely shows us that something is wrong, out of balance. When we respond to the emotion of anger in a Christ-like manner it allows us to grow in Christ.
I responded:
I am not too holy to admit that I want people to hurt and suffer!
It may be a wrong wish, but I know that even God hates it when children are taken and enslaved and traded like chattel.
I can wish that every single modern-day slave owner got an instantly fatal heart-attack. It may not exactly be fair and pretty to think about, but it is without question a logical emotional response on the part of a human who loves justice and wishes for all things in the world to be fair and good.
I am angered by what she says, and how she carried out what she did, and the general slimy nature of her and her kind. I am angry because almost literally I can hear my father using the same language, and way of speaking, and better-than-thou-Christianisms, and I know what bondage her words will be to young women (specifically those who read her stuff). I am angry that she would underhandedly pit one sister against another and then PUBLISH such material. I am angry that she then calls herself a chrisitan and claims to be the "biblical" way. I think she should be ashamed, and I am aghast by her fierce agenda to bring down such a grace-filled and healing book like Hillary's. I am angry because she is upholding abusers. I am angry because her response to me was to tell me that I was wrong and lying and that everything I know is actually just a simple sin problem. I am angry because she claims that God's way is this way and I know that it is actually a way that leads to death. (my sister and I both fought with suicide) It is pretentious at best and downright evil and nasty at worse. And that makes me very angry.
I am angry at myself for reading her books. I am angry at myself for following her writings and that of similar ladies like Jennie Chancey and others. I am angry that they still have the power to use words to bring me in. I am angry that I almost want to agree with her. I am angry that I am not free from the effects of brainwashing yet. I am angry that I can't understand a God of love and grace and unending forgiveness because of the way I was taught. I am angry that I live by works because of the model I was presented. I am angry that I wasted years and years in all this. I am angry that just when I finally found someone who loves and cares deeply for me and for girls like me, who has gone through so many of the same things, who wrote a book that inspired me to live and keep living, that a woman like Stacy would find it her calling to smear it in all manner of ways. That she would make a WHOLE WEBSITE dedicated to shooting it down.
I am angry, hurt, upset, and a general basket case right now.
Then, after I sent her that response, I though of a deeper reason.
Just the other night I watched a video by a Christian band that broke my heart. God whispered to me that He loved me. I fought. I cried. I was shaking all over and I told Him that if He knew what was good for Him he would leave me alone and go find better people to give grace and help to. I curled up in fetal position in a corner and sobbed. But when I looked around He was still there. He sat beside me, and when I pushed Him away He held on to me.And then He held me while I cried. He didn't say anything else, just stayed there and refused to leave.
I have "known" all my life that I was not a good person. That I am a broken, wreak of a could-have-been that is not worth saving. I don't think anyone necessarily told me that, but it was one of the most important life lessons I learned nonetheless. Instinctively, I push people away when they get too close. And it is for their own good. In the back of my mind there is a knowledge that I will abandon everyone. That no matter what words are coming out of their mouths, no matter what they have done for me in the past, no matter how strongly secure I might feel in that moment, that it will come. That I will do something so terrible and so hurtful that no one will ever want me ever again. So why let anyone near now? I will only break their hearts later. I will be a disappointment, disgrace, and shame.
So leave me alone.
Be better off and happy without me.
Please!
Things like that music video are like hammers, beating on the sides the iron box around my heart. Or things like Hillary's book are a welding torch slowly tearing apart the seams of my prison.
For Stacy McDonald to dedicate a whole blog to keeping this away makes me very angry. Yes.
Like refusing to stop the bleeding of a dangerous wound. Like blocking up the exits to a burning building. Like adding insult to injury.
November 4, 2010
Cashier Conversation 1.3
~I figured it was high time for another one of these!!
Customer: "I get a case discount on these...."
I ring up 12 of them for a case and he gets a discount on them. The other 9 I charge normal for. He gets upset, so we call over a bookkeeper. She can't give him a case discount on 9, so we call over the manager, who (to my surprise) asks the man, (semi-politely, with an edge in his voice) to put in an order for a case if he wants a full case discount. The man argues and almost shouts, but the manager keeps his voice even and after a bit punches a couple buttons on the screen. The customer asks for the home office number to complain about the manager and the store and the manager writes it all down coolly on a scrap of receipt and hands it to him. The customer huffs, pays for his order and leaves.
My fellow-cashier girl who was also bagging for me at the time told me that this guy pulls this stunt every week or so. He apparently came to my line because I had not had him before. He bullies the other girls and most of the time gets what he wants (10% off on a case/non-case) but not this time!
(yay, I'm the new meat!)
*I just finished checking one girl out. With her was another girl and guy. They might have been family of friends, either way.
The guy leans over the counter and looks me in the eyes "I know I don't know you or anything," he begins. (Me: Ummmm..... *has no idea what to expect from that)
He continues: "But I didn't used to have peace or joy in my life until I read the Bible and....."
(Me thinking: *rotfl!!!!!! I am being "witnessed to"!!!!)
I laughed out loud, and that cut him off. I asked if I looked sad or lost or something. He looked confused and the girls said no, I didn't. I told him that it was nice that he was trying, and that it was a brave thing to try. I didn't tell him that it was a pretty bad try, but with practice he should get better.
They asked me if I thought I was going to heaven. I laughed again, and said that I was pretty sure I was, but that if they asked my father he would say no. They were confused (of course) so I just told them that I left an extremely religious cult, and all that, and they encouraged me to read the Bible and get to know God for myself.
The store closes at 9 pm. At approximately 8:58pm about 5-10 people come into the store. I was absolutely shocked, as common decency and respect for rules have been well-ingrained in me. I asked the bookkeeper if we could shut the doors, and she said that it was the MOD's job. Then, when he came to the front to lock down, he let in a couple more people (after 9 by this time).
Surprisingly, they all got out of the store by 9:30, but we were just (*slightly) annoyed.
Older (greying) black guy checking out... there is a bag with a couple of something in it. I pick it up and ask (to be sure) "Are these dates?"
"Yeah," he says. "Do you want one?"
Me: *laugh politely, because I assume it was a joke.
Him: "Actually, I was just joking. I wouldn't date you because I only date 'church girls.' I am waiting for the girl God brings into my life, so I go to church all the time."
Me: o.0 (*thinks: WHAT?!? I'm not a church girl? I have gone 'to church' more this past three months than my whole life combined!!!)
For Halloween I dressed up in one of the long black skirts I owned and went as a gypsy. I bought some large, obnoxious, and shiny gold jewelry for it and wore a bandanna and bright red lipstick. It was so much fun!!!!! I love dressing up, like when I was in plays or theater, so it was a lot like that, but I took care of details, and everyone said it was a great costume. I made people smile all evening and returning customers remember me for it. It was great fun and I will definitely be plying my creativity next year to do it again!
That night, as I was taking bagging up some stuff, this little girl looked up at me and said: "Ooooh, you are so preeetty!!!" I smiled kindly at her, and asked what she was going to be for the evening (yes, I can't believe I actually SAID that! :P). She said she was going to be a princess. Her little brother (not more than 7 years old) said that he was going to be "A....a... knight!" (He fumbled trying to remember the right words) "A knight in shining armour!"
I laughed: "Would you be MY knight?" I asked him
He looked at me very solemnly and considered it for a moment.
"No thanks," he said, and walked away. Oh, how everyone laughed.
This place seems to be a good one to "get away" in. One lady who was recently hired as a cashier came here from farther north. She is getting divorced from her husband and is trying to "start a whole new life" down here with her sister and bunch of friends. She varies in how she tells the story, sometimes saying she just "came here to get away" and sometimes talking about her husband. I once teased her about something and said "Ohh... I am going to have to smack you for that one!" and she said "Huh.... I haven't been hit in a couple months..." or something like that. Please pray for her. She is on my heart. Her sister came to the store one evening and seemed to be bright, cheerful, and full of life, so I know that she is in a safe place.
Also, one of the bookkeepers talked to me about her new life here. She had a great career with a big company and a nice life in another country, but when her marriage fell apart, she left everything and now she and her child are living here. She does not like working in "the frikin' grocery business" but she is in a relationship with another guy who she says is great. He is a divorcee as well and has a child. I try to remember to pray that her life will turn a corner.
M. (my bestie) is working two jobs and gets about 4 hours of sleep every 36 hours or so. Her mother has cancer and the rest of the family is doing very little. I don't know what happened to her marriage, but she has two teens who make her life.... "interesting." Even so she is perky when at work, very kind to me (she trained me my first day), and one of the best workers there. She talked to me yesterday about what I was going to do with my life and encouraged me to not let my 20s lay fallow. I mentioned that I liked this place and she encouraged me to take management classes or something and move up. Then, she told the CSM that I was going to be a bookkeeper.
She makes my day, every day she is there.
Customer: "I get a case discount on these...."
I ring up 12 of them for a case and he gets a discount on them. The other 9 I charge normal for. He gets upset, so we call over a bookkeeper. She can't give him a case discount on 9, so we call over the manager, who (to my surprise) asks the man, (semi-politely, with an edge in his voice) to put in an order for a case if he wants a full case discount. The man argues and almost shouts, but the manager keeps his voice even and after a bit punches a couple buttons on the screen. The customer asks for the home office number to complain about the manager and the store and the manager writes it all down coolly on a scrap of receipt and hands it to him. The customer huffs, pays for his order and leaves.
My fellow-cashier girl who was also bagging for me at the time told me that this guy pulls this stunt every week or so. He apparently came to my line because I had not had him before. He bullies the other girls and most of the time gets what he wants (10% off on a case/non-case) but not this time!
(yay, I'm the new meat!)
*I just finished checking one girl out. With her was another girl and guy. They might have been family of friends, either way.
The guy leans over the counter and looks me in the eyes "I know I don't know you or anything," he begins. (Me: Ummmm..... *has no idea what to expect from that)
He continues: "But I didn't used to have peace or joy in my life until I read the Bible and....."
(Me thinking: *rotfl!!!!!! I am being "witnessed to"!!!!)
I laughed out loud, and that cut him off. I asked if I looked sad or lost or something. He looked confused and the girls said no, I didn't. I told him that it was nice that he was trying, and that it was a brave thing to try. I didn't tell him that it was a pretty bad try, but with practice he should get better.
They asked me if I thought I was going to heaven. I laughed again, and said that I was pretty sure I was, but that if they asked my father he would say no. They were confused (of course) so I just told them that I left an extremely religious cult, and all that, and they encouraged me to read the Bible and get to know God for myself.
The store closes at 9 pm. At approximately 8:58pm about 5-10 people come into the store. I was absolutely shocked, as common decency and respect for rules have been well-ingrained in me. I asked the bookkeeper if we could shut the doors, and she said that it was the MOD's job. Then, when he came to the front to lock down, he let in a couple more people (after 9 by this time).
Surprisingly, they all got out of the store by 9:30, but we were just (*slightly) annoyed.
Older (greying) black guy checking out... there is a bag with a couple of something in it. I pick it up and ask (to be sure) "Are these dates?"
"Yeah," he says. "Do you want one?"
Me: *laugh politely, because I assume it was a joke.
Him: "Actually, I was just joking. I wouldn't date you because I only date 'church girls.' I am waiting for the girl God brings into my life, so I go to church all the time."
Me: o.0 (*thinks: WHAT?!? I'm not a church girl? I have gone 'to church' more this past three months than my whole life combined!!!)
For Halloween I dressed up in one of the long black skirts I owned and went as a gypsy. I bought some large, obnoxious, and shiny gold jewelry for it and wore a bandanna and bright red lipstick. It was so much fun!!!!! I love dressing up, like when I was in plays or theater, so it was a lot like that, but I took care of details, and everyone said it was a great costume. I made people smile all evening and returning customers remember me for it. It was great fun and I will definitely be plying my creativity next year to do it again!
That night, as I was taking bagging up some stuff, this little girl looked up at me and said: "Ooooh, you are so preeetty!!!" I smiled kindly at her, and asked what she was going to be for the evening (yes, I can't believe I actually SAID that! :P). She said she was going to be a princess. Her little brother (not more than 7 years old) said that he was going to be "A....a... knight!" (He fumbled trying to remember the right words) "A knight in shining armour!"
I laughed: "Would you be MY knight?" I asked him
He looked at me very solemnly and considered it for a moment.
"No thanks," he said, and walked away. Oh, how everyone laughed.
This place seems to be a good one to "get away" in. One lady who was recently hired as a cashier came here from farther north. She is getting divorced from her husband and is trying to "start a whole new life" down here with her sister and bunch of friends. She varies in how she tells the story, sometimes saying she just "came here to get away" and sometimes talking about her husband. I once teased her about something and said "Ohh... I am going to have to smack you for that one!" and she said "Huh.... I haven't been hit in a couple months..." or something like that. Please pray for her. She is on my heart. Her sister came to the store one evening and seemed to be bright, cheerful, and full of life, so I know that she is in a safe place.
Also, one of the bookkeepers talked to me about her new life here. She had a great career with a big company and a nice life in another country, but when her marriage fell apart, she left everything and now she and her child are living here. She does not like working in "the frikin' grocery business" but she is in a relationship with another guy who she says is great. He is a divorcee as well and has a child. I try to remember to pray that her life will turn a corner.
M. (my bestie) is working two jobs and gets about 4 hours of sleep every 36 hours or so. Her mother has cancer and the rest of the family is doing very little. I don't know what happened to her marriage, but she has two teens who make her life.... "interesting." Even so she is perky when at work, very kind to me (she trained me my first day), and one of the best workers there. She talked to me yesterday about what I was going to do with my life and encouraged me to not let my 20s lay fallow. I mentioned that I liked this place and she encouraged me to take management classes or something and move up. Then, she told the CSM that I was going to be a bookkeeper.
She makes my day, every day she is there.
October 22, 2010
Worth It?
Maybe it is a female trait, or a trait of a self-absorbed person, but my background makes it a lot more pronounced I think.
We fault and blame ourselves.
I remember a conversation with on dear QD who said that she "made up" for the lack of negative criticism from parents/authorities by turning on herself. We discussed how it affected us and our level of self-confidence.
All the time, there is something wrong. There are imperfections in life. In the "perfect family" there is no excuse, and blame-shifting lands most/all of the guilt square on the shoulders of the oldest child involved. "You should have known better" "You need to think ahead" "You were not acting maturely" "You need to take that to God" "You are...." "You are not..."
So many myriad of things are (or are made to be) your fault that you assume upon yourself the mentality of "if something is wrong it must be me."
"If anything messes up it was probably an error on my part"
Unconsciously (and probably unintentionally) we begin to degrade ourselves and when people care, or when it is not our fault, or when someone says something like:
"You are worth the effort"
it turns your whole world upside down. They must be talking about someone else! *look over shoulder to see if anyone is behind me. The idea that I matter, as me, is pretty ludicrous. The idea that I matter to other people as more than a worker, or helper, even when they don't benefit from me is preposterous.
Sometimes, it hurts. My heart does this little pitter-patter like it wants to believe. Hope against all common sense and reasoning (ie. everything I have ever learned/known to be true). Tears come to my eyes as I ponder the paths before me. Before my "common sense and logical reasoning" crushes the hope, can I believe? Can I allow myself to trust myself? Can I accept their words?
October 21, 2010
Cashier Conversation 1.2
mash from the last couple weeks
Me: Good morning!
Guy: Oh, don't be nice to me. Save it for gentlemen like him (points to older man who just finished a purchase).... He then tells about how no one has (ever) been nice to him and how all his former bosses used to hate him, etc, etc
Me: Well, I am told to be nice to everyone, so I can't make an exception for you. Sorry.
Him: Ah, I see how it is. Life according to Jen... I like (the sound of) that!
Me: *finishing transaction
Him: just remember; don't overwork because you aren't overpaid!!
Guy: Is this beer good?
Me: *laugh really hard: I'm underage!
Guy: Oh...... sorry......
Me: *trying to figure out the code for something I never checked out before
Guy: *after finally getting it right ...I never used to drink smoothies. I always thought they were for like, old people!
Me: 0.o I make my own.
*we proceed to swap recipies and I hold up the line about 3 minutes
*a lady was writing out a check and something needed supervisor approval on the machine, so the couple in line had to wait. I thanked them for waiting and asked if they would be patient just a bit longer.
Girl: Oh, no problem! (typical response)
Guy: NO!!! *sarcastic smile
*girl turns to him and whispers something about how not nice that could be taken
*I just laugh, and so does everyone else
*me bagging for another casheir.
Lady: Can you make the bags really light?
*me thinking: really light? How light is really light?
*I pack some stuff (4 or 5 things) in a bag, and slide it over to her.
*she lifts the bag slightly: No, this is too heavy.
*I pull half of the stuff out and put it into 2 bags.
Cashier girl begins packing as well. Her stuff needs to go in 3 bags.
It eventually gets to the point that we realize that two 12oz water bottles in a bag are about what she calls "too heavy." About 15 bags later we get everything packed up, and she asks for help to take everything (that fits into one cart) out to her car. I push the cart out to her car, and lift half the bags with one hand and we manage to stuff everything into an already crowded trunk (not unpacked from vacation she said) of beach towels. Cashier girl said she may have had back surgery or something.
Me: Good morning!
Guy: Oh, don't be nice to me. Save it for gentlemen like him (points to older man who just finished a purchase).... He then tells about how no one has (ever) been nice to him and how all his former bosses used to hate him, etc, etc
Me: Well, I am told to be nice to everyone, so I can't make an exception for you. Sorry.
Him: Ah, I see how it is. Life according to Jen... I like (the sound of) that!
Me: *finishing transaction
Him: just remember; don't overwork because you aren't overpaid!!
Guy: Is this beer good?
Me: *laugh really hard: I'm underage!
Guy: Oh...... sorry......
Me: *trying to figure out the code for something I never checked out before
Guy: *after finally getting it right ...I never used to drink smoothies. I always thought they were for like, old people!
Me: 0.o I make my own.
*we proceed to swap recipies and I hold up the line about 3 minutes
*a lady was writing out a check and something needed supervisor approval on the machine, so the couple in line had to wait. I thanked them for waiting and asked if they would be patient just a bit longer.
Girl: Oh, no problem! (typical response)
Guy: NO!!! *sarcastic smile
*girl turns to him and whispers something about how not nice that could be taken
*I just laugh, and so does everyone else
*me bagging for another casheir.
Lady: Can you make the bags really light?
*me thinking: really light? How light is really light?
*I pack some stuff (4 or 5 things) in a bag, and slide it over to her.
*she lifts the bag slightly: No, this is too heavy.
*I pull half of the stuff out and put it into 2 bags.
Cashier girl begins packing as well. Her stuff needs to go in 3 bags.
It eventually gets to the point that we realize that two 12oz water bottles in a bag are about what she calls "too heavy." About 15 bags later we get everything packed up, and she asks for help to take everything (that fits into one cart) out to her car. I push the cart out to her car, and lift half the bags with one hand and we manage to stuff everything into an already crowded trunk (not unpacked from vacation she said) of beach towels. Cashier girl said she may have had back surgery or something.
October 18, 2010
The life of a cashier: Part II
Today was the worst day at my job ever. I just got back from a weekend off seeing friends and attending a wedding. I walked into work today (monday) happy with life and glad to be back and eager to have another day making money.
The CSM pulled me aside and said he had something to tell me. I sat down and realized he was pretty serious. He usually jokes around with me and we have fun all day at work, so it was scary. He told me that a mystery shopper had some through my line and I had done poorly. So poorly, in fact that I got the lowest score ever. Front End lost 30 points, and the Store Manager refused to even print it out.
He said it was amazing because he liked me a lot and it was "not the Jen that he hired" reflected in the review.
With a serious warning ringing in my ears, I began work and thought about how to do things better. I made conversation with EVERYONE about just about anything. I asked about their favorite products, I asked them about their pets when they bought pet food, and I even said stuff like "nice grapes" when there was nothing else to say.
Yet, as the day wore on I miss-typed a number and charged a lady for escarole instead of peppers. I priced asparagus as organic when it was conventional, and I forgot coupons that were in my hand. People kept having to go to Customer Service to fix my mistakes. I got off work early because I am apparently going to need to work an extra hour later in the week.
I was able to keep a calm face up until I swiped my time card to check out. Then I cried. I cried and cried.... For some reason the back was completely empty, so I was not seen. However, when I went out the side of produce so fewer people would see me, the MOD caught me and asked what was the matter. In between wiping my eyes I explained a little. He encouraged me to be more careful with the codes, and told me that he makes mistakes too, and that little things can always be fixed, but I still didn't feel better. At least he was nice and listened.
He told me to smile, and I told him I was off the clock. He laughed and let me go.
I drove out to the lake and just sat. The sunset was pretty, but it only helped so much. I am still upset and near tears. Mrs. G said that it was probably not the worst day of my life, and I agreed. But she also said that life would not always throw me bad curves, and told me stories about her bad days.
She is right. It isn't all bad. Being here is the best thing about it right now.
The CSM pulled me aside and said he had something to tell me. I sat down and realized he was pretty serious. He usually jokes around with me and we have fun all day at work, so it was scary. He told me that a mystery shopper had some through my line and I had done poorly. So poorly, in fact that I got the lowest score ever. Front End lost 30 points, and the Store Manager refused to even print it out.
He said it was amazing because he liked me a lot and it was "not the Jen that he hired" reflected in the review.
With a serious warning ringing in my ears, I began work and thought about how to do things better. I made conversation with EVERYONE about just about anything. I asked about their favorite products, I asked them about their pets when they bought pet food, and I even said stuff like "nice grapes" when there was nothing else to say.
Yet, as the day wore on I miss-typed a number and charged a lady for escarole instead of peppers. I priced asparagus as organic when it was conventional, and I forgot coupons that were in my hand. People kept having to go to Customer Service to fix my mistakes. I got off work early because I am apparently going to need to work an extra hour later in the week.
I was able to keep a calm face up until I swiped my time card to check out. Then I cried. I cried and cried.... For some reason the back was completely empty, so I was not seen. However, when I went out the side of produce so fewer people would see me, the MOD caught me and asked what was the matter. In between wiping my eyes I explained a little. He encouraged me to be more careful with the codes, and told me that he makes mistakes too, and that little things can always be fixed, but I still didn't feel better. At least he was nice and listened.
He told me to smile, and I told him I was off the clock. He laughed and let me go.
I drove out to the lake and just sat. The sunset was pretty, but it only helped so much. I am still upset and near tears. Mrs. G said that it was probably not the worst day of my life, and I agreed. But she also said that life would not always throw me bad curves, and told me stories about her bad days.
She is right. It isn't all bad. Being here is the best thing about it right now.
October 13, 2010
The life of a cashier: Part I
I am known as the heavy-bagger. I get so much in the bags that people lift (or just try to lift) the bags and their faces contort and they set them back down and proceed to pack everything much more messily into two bags. I am such an MK! Lol, packing and me are old friends.
I hate people who stuff things in bags. Seriously: ARRANGE!!! More stuff fits, it will be more easily unpacked later, nothing will get crushed, and it looks nicer!!!
I hate people who stand there and act like I need to do all the work myself. Yes, I am getting paid to do it all, but just because of that I am not a second-class person. I am more than fine with checking you out and bagging everything, but if you have several bags worth of stuff it will take some time and don't act like *I* am the one making you late! The girls with perfect hair and upturned noses are the worst.
I think it is amusing that I usually have no trouble asking people who buy wine/beer for their age, yet other people feel really bad about it, or get people who get mad at having to tell.
I think it is even more amusing when older single guys forget that they bought wine and think I am asking their age for other reasons. (yes, it happened) He said: "Oh... I thought you were checking me out!" I laughed wryly and said "Well, I *AM* checking you out, but not in THAT way...." *coughcough* It was a bit strange.
I am getting used to smiling forever and standing. But I love my breaks. I sit out on the patio in the warm sunlight and close my eyes and soak it in. Peace.
I hate it when customers come up to my line and say "Hi, how are you...." I HATE HATE HATE it!!!! Maybe it is just my third-world social culture upbringing, but they DON'T CARE that I am tired and that I didn't sleep very well last night, or that I am happy and humming myself a tune from the pop station. They DON'T CARE, and I feel obligated to say SOMETHING back. And how I hate murmuring "good" or "fine" or such nonsense because it means nothing. Asking someone how they are doing should MEAN "I care about you and your welfare and I have not talked with you yet today, or this week, or recently, therefore tell me how life is for you and what God has been doing in you..."
I know, I know. I am fighting a loosing battle. There is no way I am going to be able to change the culture here. But I hate that I myself and falling into it. I have not yet asked anyone "How are you doing" because I can ask other things like "Did you find everything ok?" or "Are you signed up for our coupon emails?" or "Welcome to _______ (store name)"
I need to get myself calloused enough to just smile or say "hello" or "welcome" when they ask me how I am. I keep forgetting. I tell customers that I am tired, or that my feet hurt, or that I want some ice cream, and they must think I am a weird cashier. Anything other than "good....fine" right?
For as much as I am wary around children, they seem to be attracted to me. My CSM loves them and stops for every one and talks nicely to them or gives them stickers. They laugh and the babies coo and the little girls blow him kisses. I had a little boy spit on me yesterday.
Seriously.
I first met this child as I was walking out to a break. He jumped in my path, and yelled "Boo" at me. I laughed, because he looked like my second-littlest bro. Sandy blonde hair, impish grin, and unable to stay still.
I met him again later as I was helping bag for his mother who was checking out in a different line. I did not notice him at first, but when she pushed the cart towards me to put the full bags in, there he was. I pretended not to notice, and then I jumped at him and said "Boo" in a non-threatening way. His little brother of about 4 was sitting in the seat of the cart and he burst out laughing. The mother recognized me and smiled. Then, the 4 year old decided to join in the fun by making animal noises. After bandying back and forth for a bit (the mother was getting a lot of groceries) he ran out and decided to see how spitting would get me to react. So he spit! I was a little shocked, but not entirely surprised, as I have had that happen to me in my previous life. His mother quickly (very quickly, it must have happened previously) turned to him and scolded him fiercely. There was a moment of peace, and then the older boy (original "boo" boy) decided to try and he spit on me, only with more force, projectiles and accuracy than the little boy. I was nearly done bagging, so I turned (while still working, oh yeah I gots me some mad skills) and wagged my finger in his face and told him no strictly. He seemed a bit shocked, and his mother did too. But she also told him no. (He was already sitting in the cart because he was a bad boy) I then finished putting the last bag in the cart and walked away.
Oh yeah. Me and kids. We go way back....
I hate people who stuff things in bags. Seriously: ARRANGE!!! More stuff fits, it will be more easily unpacked later, nothing will get crushed, and it looks nicer!!!
I hate people who stand there and act like I need to do all the work myself. Yes, I am getting paid to do it all, but just because of that I am not a second-class person. I am more than fine with checking you out and bagging everything, but if you have several bags worth of stuff it will take some time and don't act like *I* am the one making you late! The girls with perfect hair and upturned noses are the worst.
I think it is amusing that I usually have no trouble asking people who buy wine/beer for their age, yet other people feel really bad about it, or get people who get mad at having to tell.
I think it is even more amusing when older single guys forget that they bought wine and think I am asking their age for other reasons. (yes, it happened) He said: "Oh... I thought you were checking me out!" I laughed wryly and said "Well, I *AM* checking you out, but not in THAT way...." *coughcough* It was a bit strange.
I am getting used to smiling forever and standing. But I love my breaks. I sit out on the patio in the warm sunlight and close my eyes and soak it in. Peace.
I hate it when customers come up to my line and say "Hi, how are you...." I HATE HATE HATE it!!!! Maybe it is just my third-world social culture upbringing, but they DON'T CARE that I am tired and that I didn't sleep very well last night, or that I am happy and humming myself a tune from the pop station. They DON'T CARE, and I feel obligated to say SOMETHING back. And how I hate murmuring "good" or "fine" or such nonsense because it means nothing. Asking someone how they are doing should MEAN "I care about you and your welfare and I have not talked with you yet today, or this week, or recently, therefore tell me how life is for you and what God has been doing in you..."
I know, I know. I am fighting a loosing battle. There is no way I am going to be able to change the culture here. But I hate that I myself and falling into it. I have not yet asked anyone "How are you doing" because I can ask other things like "Did you find everything ok?" or "Are you signed up for our coupon emails?" or "Welcome to _______ (store name)"
I need to get myself calloused enough to just smile or say "hello" or "welcome" when they ask me how I am. I keep forgetting. I tell customers that I am tired, or that my feet hurt, or that I want some ice cream, and they must think I am a weird cashier. Anything other than "good....fine" right?
For as much as I am wary around children, they seem to be attracted to me. My CSM loves them and stops for every one and talks nicely to them or gives them stickers. They laugh and the babies coo and the little girls blow him kisses. I had a little boy spit on me yesterday.
Seriously.
I first met this child as I was walking out to a break. He jumped in my path, and yelled "Boo" at me. I laughed, because he looked like my second-littlest bro. Sandy blonde hair, impish grin, and unable to stay still.
I met him again later as I was helping bag for his mother who was checking out in a different line. I did not notice him at first, but when she pushed the cart towards me to put the full bags in, there he was. I pretended not to notice, and then I jumped at him and said "Boo" in a non-threatening way. His little brother of about 4 was sitting in the seat of the cart and he burst out laughing. The mother recognized me and smiled. Then, the 4 year old decided to join in the fun by making animal noises. After bandying back and forth for a bit (the mother was getting a lot of groceries) he ran out and decided to see how spitting would get me to react. So he spit! I was a little shocked, but not entirely surprised, as I have had that happen to me in my previous life. His mother quickly (very quickly, it must have happened previously) turned to him and scolded him fiercely. There was a moment of peace, and then the older boy (original "boo" boy) decided to try and he spit on me, only with more force, projectiles and accuracy than the little boy. I was nearly done bagging, so I turned (while still working, oh yeah I gots me some mad skills) and wagged my finger in his face and told him no strictly. He seemed a bit shocked, and his mother did too. But she also told him no. (He was already sitting in the cart because he was a bad boy) I then finished putting the last bag in the cart and walked away.
Oh yeah. Me and kids. We go way back....
October 6, 2010
lol moment
This is why I watch fun and silly shows like Glee:
Rachel says: "...I need to know that my children will be free to worship in the way that I decide is right..." (season 2, ep.3)
It was meant to be funny, and it was... sandwiched between a couple laughs. But it is basically the mantra of the homeschool/isolation movement. So shallow yet surprisingly deep?
Rachel says: "...I need to know that my children will be free to worship in the way that I decide is right..." (season 2, ep.3)
It was meant to be funny, and it was... sandwiched between a couple laughs. But it is basically the mantra of the homeschool/isolation movement. So shallow yet surprisingly deep?
October 4, 2010
I knew I liked O. Henry!
Check out this link for an incredibly sad, also too true, and a little funny spoof story about Elsie Dinsmore.
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